IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism industry.

#places #world #tourism #source #income #industry
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Some people believe that the tourism industry is a significant source of income in many countries around the world. From my point of view, I agree with
this
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 aspect and reasons will be outlined in the following paragraphs before reaching a conclusion.
To begin
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 with, there are several positive effects that tourists bring to our society, and one of the most crucial is that they help locals. To elaborate
further
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, travellers are always willing to spend their money on the areas where they are going
to
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apply
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and
therefore
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 it boosts sales and revenue in those communities.
Moreover
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, an influx of tourists leads to an increase
of
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in
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 job opportunities.
For example
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, a night market in Bangkok is full of travellers from around the world and the market is now opening a new area (two blocks
further
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) which in turn lots of local merchants in that area
have
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apply
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a chance to open their shops to sell local delicacies, specialities, adornments, etc.
Additionally
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, another reason that supports my agreement is the economic growth of the country. What
this
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 means is tourists use their money to learn and study new cultures or traditions at museums or National Parks .
Furthermore
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, they always spend cash to attend classes as they want to study art.
For instance
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, when I visited Japan
last
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 year, me and my family used our money to enter Osaka Castle and we were
also
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 charged to attend
to
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the tea ceremony class.
However
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, we were willing to pay because experience that the ceremony would offer to us.
Overall
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, I agree with
this
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 idea as it is undeniable that
tourism
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the tourism
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 industry brings a lot of advantages to our society and they can provide local people with jobs
as well as
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 the economy in the country grows
up
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apply
show examples
.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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task response
Your essay does a good job of addressing the task and covering multiple perspectives of the tourism industry. However, to improve, try expanding on the disadvantages of tourism as well, as the prompt asks for both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence
For coherence and cohesion, make sure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next. While your essay is generally clear, some transitions could be refined for smoother reading. For example, introduce the idea of disadvantages after discussing the advantages, using phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'However'.
cohesion
Your main points are adequately supported with relevant and specific examples, which is a strength. However, consider including more varied examples to cover different aspects of the tourism industry.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are effective in framing the essay. You clearly state your viewpoint and summarize it well at the end.
supported main points
You provide specific and relevant examples to support your main points, which adds credibility to your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay structure is logical, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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