IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with others and news events. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

#people #media #touch #news #events #outweigh
Some
people
 have different views about environmental issues and how to deal with them : on a global
escaled
Correct your spelling
scale
escalated
 or nationally
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 From my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 both of
this liability
Fix the agreement mistake
these liabilities
show examples
 should be shared. On the one hand , we have to dive in nationally. I do believe the first step should be done with society itself. To change the world
people
 have to start with themselves,
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 humans often
willful
Change the word
willfully
show examples
 damage the
mother-nature
Correct your spelling
nature
show examples
, and it is not only about enterprises.
For instance
 , some groups of
people
 and their mindset
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 throw cigarettes on the road consciously, it is out of line!
Consequently
 , every
governments
Change to a singular noun
government
show examples
 should pay attention inside their realm to stop and fade away the pollution.
On the other hand
, heads of state should be gathered together to discuss the ecological problems that they
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It would help to understand the
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
 of things
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
,
moreover
 , to share experience and knowledge to improve the quality of life and nature. It is significant because
people
 would heal
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature not only
learn
Verb problem
apply
show examples
by
trials
Fix the agreement mistake
trial
show examples
 and
errors
Fix the agreement mistake
error
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
hence
 the working together.
To sum up
 everything, I feel strongly that both these concepts are important, and it is worth
for live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 up
expectations
Change preposition
to expectations
show examples
. We should work together to ensure
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of nature ,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 for the sake of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 health of 
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
Submitted by dulskywork on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the issue of handling environmental problems at both a national and global level. To enhance your task response, make sure to directly address the question in the introduction and clearly state your opinion. This sets a strong foundation for your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve on coherence and cohesion, work on the flow and linkage of ideas between paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly. Consider also the organization of your essay, ensuring a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
In your essay, use specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned the example of people throwing cigarettes on the road, integrating a wider range of examples and detailing their relevance to your argument will strengthen your points and make your essay more compelling.
Task Achievement
You successfully identified and discussed the importance of addressing environmental issues both nationally and globally, which shows a good understanding of the complexities of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay makes a good attempt to argue from both perspectives, showing an appreciation for the multifaceted nature of dealing with environmental problems. This approach enriches your essay and demonstrates a thoughtful consideration of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: