IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many cities are currently facing a serious housing shortage. What are some of the reasons for this shortage and what solution can you suggest.

#cities #shortage
In recent years, a lot of towns have
trouble
Add a missing verb
had trouble
show examples
 with no
houses
 to
send
Verb problem
apply
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Although
 the government in each
cities
Change to a singular noun
city
show examples
 are tackling
this
 problem, it is too far to solve from the current position.
This
 essay will be about why it occurs and my suggestion for it. One of the reasons
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
houses
 is that there are no territories to build them on the earth. It is said that there are more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eight
buillion ctitizens
Correct your spelling
billion citizens
 around the world now and the
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
number
would be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 massive. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
 to
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 population, individuals are required to
send
Correct your spelling
spend
show examples
 their
dailiy
Correct your spelling
daily
 lives with other creatures. The animals
also
 would like to
alive
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 in bigger places
It is clear that
 in order to solve
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
 shortage, people have to expand the places to live in.
However
, it costs
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money and takes
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time too much even though the number of people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 bigger and bigger. Developing new
Additionally
, the
lcak
Correct your spelling
lack
 of
architectures
Fix the agreement mistake
architecture
show examples
 relates to
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the shortage of
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
. The recent young tend to work at the offices. Physical jobs are likely to be hated by them
due to
 the trends.
Fostoring
Correct your spelling
Fostering
 the builder of
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 must take
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time and is not realistic
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the current
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 that people want to live in as soon as possible. To find a possibility to solve
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 problem, I suggest
to renovate
Change the verb form
renovating
show examples
 the
used-house
Correct your spelling
used house
show examples
 no one living in.
That
Correct determiner usage
Houses
show examples
houses
 are not essential to rebuild again
fron
Correct your spelling
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scratch so costs are saved
as a result
.
Also
, it is said that the more growing the number of
such
houses
 is, the more increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime is
stimulately
Correct your spelling
stimulated
.
Therefore
 the renovation of
houses
 would the city more comfortable to
send
Verb problem
live
show examples
 life
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 In conclusion,
from
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 my opinion, the government should
firstlyinvest
Correct your spelling
firstly invest
first invest
 more money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the changing inside of
used-
Correct your spelling
used houses
show examples
houses
 rather than on
expand
Change the form of the verb
expanding
show examples
 the
teritorries
Correct your spelling
territories
 or growing the
architectures
Fix the agreement mistake
architecture
show examples
.
Submitted by takeru1626 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider revising for clear sentence structure to improve logical flow and readability.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with a more clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to enhance the structure and flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your main points are clearly supported with specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the task directly with a clearer stance and more focused response to ensure all parts of the prompt are fully answered.
task achievement
Aim for clear and comprehensive ideas, carefully developing your argument with specific details and examples.
task achievement
You've addressed both parts of the question by discussing causes and suggesting a solution.
task achievement
Your essay engages with a relevant topic and attempts to provide thoughtful insights.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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