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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in a house. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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At
Change preposition
In
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 some locations,
people
Use synonyms
 living in the big housing blocks feel alone and lack the spirit of social environments
while
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others
Use synonyms
 believe that these places have better community standards. Both viewpoints have
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 own merits and demerits which will be examined
further
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 in the essay.
To begin
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 with, individuals living in the apartments do not get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to socialize with
others
Use synonyms
 and
hence
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 have to face
stress
Add an article
the stress
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 of
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
. Mostly, these are built in the buzzing city centres where
people
Use synonyms
 live because of the high standards of life and work opportunities. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are busy with the hectic schedules of work and school. There are fewer chances to communicate with
others
Use synonyms
 in that kind of environment. Even if they have fewer moments of leisure time
then
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 they tend to distress themselves alone at home.
Thus
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, in many instances, the
people
Use synonyms
 spending life in the cities suffer depression and other psychological disorders.
On the contrary
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, in these high-rise
blocks
Add a comma
blocks,
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 the
people
Use synonyms
 have better amenities than
others
Use synonyms
 living in the countryside areas. The sites generally have parks, gyms and meditation centres to feel free and distressed. The co-inhabitants in these buildings
also
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 visit these places where they can socialize with each other.
Apart from
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this
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, they can do various activities together and feel energized.
For instance
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can go for walks in the mornings or evenings and meet various other
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
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 the surroundings.
This
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 enhances their chance to mingle
further
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future social gatherings
such
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 as birthday and anniversary parties. In conclusion, both opinions have a myriad of implications. Despite, busy city life
cause
Replace the word
causes
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 numerous mental burdens
but
Correct word choice
apply
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there are many facilities like gardens to minimize
such
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 kinds of effects.

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding and providing more real-world examples or personal experiences to further bolster your arguments and make your essay more engaging.
Coherence and Cohesion
A more varied use of cohesive devices could enhance your essay's flow. Experiment with synonyms and more complex sentence structures to avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Your essay offers a balanced discussion that considers both viewpoints before arriving at a logical conclusion, showcasing strong critical thinking skills.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well defined and bookend your discussion effectively, providing clarity and a strong structure to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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