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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People today are surrounded by all kinds of advertising. This both affects what they think is important and is a negative influence on their lives. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

#people #kinds #influence #lives
Advertising on mass media is becoming
all-pervasive
Replace the word
more pervasive
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 in
this
 modern world than ever before.
However
, there remains
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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 discrepancy as to whether the total impacts of these forms of product endorsements have been advantageous or disadvantageous to the sustainable growth of civilized society.
Whereas
 many put forward
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 proposition, I hold to the belief that the imperfectness of these advertisements is far outweighed by its practical benefits. First and foremost, the detrimental impacts that commercials have had on customers are the things that should be considered seriously. Obviously, billboards can result in overconsumption
as well as
 wasteful expenditures. It should be pointed out that, customers may be inclined to purchase the amount of unnecessary stuff, so more things become redundant, and may be thrown away.
Furthermore
, one of the critical problems associated with these product endorsements has been the financial issue. Via seeing a variety of advertisements, impressionable teenagers may spend a lot of money on luxury things namely expensive phones, brand clothes, etc.
Therefore
,
this
 action of these materialistic adolescents can lead to financial pressure on parents.
Nevertheless
, there is incontrovertible evidence that there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a wide range of practical benefits that commercials provide the family in general and consumers
in particular
. The remarkable feature of
this
 form of advertising is to offer a better understanding of the products. By dint of adverts, people may have an opportunity to be aware of a wide range of products
as well as
 the latest technology.
This
 can help clients choose
Change preposition
to saving-energy
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saving-energy
Correct your spelling
saving energy
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 and effective, appropriate, right items for their use. It is
true
Correct article usage
a true
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 fact that
this
 popular trend
also
 generates entertainment
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
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to
Change preposition
in
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 people’s lives.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 number of advertisements have a meaningful storyline
such
 as the Coca’s Tết Campaign, which reminds students of missing their family
as well as
 their hometown through the traditional festivals. To recapitulate, the form of advertising with the excellent amenities that it offers human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 has been a position of strength for the evolutionary development of the state-of-the-art world. Provided that the local authority has effective methods for management
as well as
 manufacturers especially advertisers have to guarantee their product quality and have responsibility for them, the modern society will significantly benefit from
this
 convenient and useful form of business.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a distinct main idea to maintain clarity and improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop your argument with both general statements and specific examples to strengthen your response.
general
Regularly proofread your writing to catch and correct minor inaccuracies and enhance the overall quality of your essay.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to support your arguments, such as the reference to Coca’s Tết Campaign.
coherence cohesion
Clear structure and organization, with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good balance of advantages and disadvantages provides a comprehensive view on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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