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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the sources for UK tax revenue for last year and the total UK government spending for last year.

The pie charts below show the sources for UK tax revenue for last year and the total UK government spending for last year.
#show #sources #uk #tax #revenue #year #government
The two pie charts demonstrate the variety of places
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the
UK
 taxes were collected and
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 expenses of the
UK
government
. In total, national insurance and income
tax
 provide almost half of the taxes
while
 the
UK
government
 uses huge
parts
 of its money on education, pensions and health care.
To begin
, there are 8 sources for gaining
tax
 and income
tax
 is the biggest share with 28
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Also
, value-added
tax
 and national insurance have the next ranks.
In addition
, three
parts
 of council
tax
, business rate and fuel duty are the least among all of them and they were only 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Moreover
, cooperation
tax
 and other sources have about one-fifth of shares.
On the other hand
, the
UK
government
 spent one-fifth of its income on pensions. Meanwhile, healthcare, education and welfare have quotes close to the pensions in percentages about 18, 14 and 17.
Furthermore
, four other
parts
 like protection, transport etc. have the least investment on them. It is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that about one-tenth of
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
uses
Wrong verb form
is used
show examples
 for issues. In short, the
UK
government
 have three huge and in total 8 origins for gaining
tax
whereas
,
in contrast
, spent its money on 10 different sections and
dedicate
Wrong verb form
dedicated
show examples
 about 70
pecent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 of it to only 4
parts
.
Submitted by Saeed201271 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words uk, government, tax, parts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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