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Band 7.5

In some countries the lifestyle of people is changing rapidly, and this affects family relationship. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #lifestyle #people #relationship #trend
Various countries are experiencing drastic changes in their citizens' lifestyles which impact the state of relations in their families. There are some disadvantages that outdo the minor advantages in
this
 regard which
this
 essay is going to discuss. On the one hand, It is obvious that the world around us is modernizing at the highest possible speed which influences the lives of the public and the way they form their personal lives based on the world's current development.
Therefore
, some believe that changing their lifestyle based on changes is the best option .
For instance
, people prefer to consume fast food rather than homemade food nowadays and justify that they are ready or accessible easily for anyone at the lowest possible price.
Also
, they allocate a great amount of time using social media and state that they know first-hand news soon after distribution.
On the other hand
, even though progression in people's lifestyle has several benefits, one should bear in mind that some of them adversely affect the well-being of the people. By way of illustration, when a person consumes endless amounts of fried,greasy fast food they ignore the consequences of it which in the long run can be obesity and issues related to fat accumulation in the body.
In addition
, spending a lot of time surfing the internet or using social media will definitely lead to a lack of physical activity and will bring about health-related issues.
As a result
, changing the style of living should be aligned with the needs of individuals. In conclusion, it is widely acknowledged that modification is always beneficial provided that it happens positively. Given these circumstances, I assume in the current era we observe more drawbacks in the trend of living style and its problems are way more than its benefits which need to be addressed comprehensively.
Submitted by keyhan454 on

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Task Achievement
To improve clarity and task response, ensure to directly address the essay question in both introduction and conclusion, making your stance clear.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments, illustrating how lifestyle changes affect family relationships specifically.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize paragraphs clearly, devoting each to a separate idea or argument for better coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance your essay by linking ideas more smoothly between and within paragraphs using a wider range of cohesive devices.
Structure
You have structured the essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Content
Your essay provides a thoughtful analysis of the topic, engaging with both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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