New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
It is a known fact that technological innovations have revolutionised the way younger
generation
utilise their spare time. While
there are a few benefits, the drawbacks exceed them and will be discussed further
.
The advent of technology has played a crucial role in the thought process of the current generation
. A recent article in the newspaper stated that online applications like Roblox improve problem-solving skills in children
. These applications enhance critical thinking capabilities as well. Also
, online classes on platforms such
as Zoom have saved both, time and energy for this
generation
.
However
, a recent study has revealed that almost half of the current generation
suffers from physical problems like obesity. There has been a surprise
increase in the number of heart-related conditions in Replace the word
surprising
children
. Moreover
, explicit content on the internet is now readily available and children
are not psychologically equipped to handle them. Additionally
, violent and distressing content may also
increase suicidal tendencies in children
. Studies have shown that toddlers who have heavy screen time suffer from premature ageing of their brain
. Fix the agreement mistake
brains
This
can lead to depression.
In conclusion, while
technological advancement has benefited toddlers in a few ways, the disadvantage of this
change is profoundly more significant. This
shift toward digital innovation will clearly lead children
towards various physical and mental disorders in the future.Submitted by niravfb1987 on
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Task Achievement
Ensure your essay presents a balanced argument if the question asks whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Both sides should be explored with equal depth before reaching a conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly and improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points, which will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Be cautious not to overstate or generalize issues without adequate evidence or support. This can make your argument less credible.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion which aids understanding.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly, making sure to answer the question posed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good use of topic-specific vocabulary related to technology and its impact on children.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?