Some people think that sports play an important role in society. Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity.’ Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Various
sports
are played by people
around the globe. While
a comparatively small segment of the demographic engages in such
activity directly, sports
does
play a crucial Correct subject-verb agreement
do
role
in the
human development. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will outline how sports
activities
are beneficial to the
mankind.
It is Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
a
know
fact that the opportunities one getsChange the verb form
known
,
if he becomes a successful athlete, are far Remove the comma
apply
less
compared to traditional careers that Correct quantifier usage
fewer
people
pursue. And even if one is successful it comes with a cost, as activities
related to sport cost a fortune both to an individual as well as
the government. The equipment and infrastructure needed in the journey to become a master in this
field require a ton of money. Thus
, the risk outweighs the reward and therefore
people
consider sports
as a pastime activity. A recent article in Hindustan times
newspaper claimed that one out of a thousand Capitalize word
Times
cricket
players are selected in
the Indian Change preposition
for
cricket
team.
While
it is true that most individuals consider sports
as a fun time, it is also
known that sport plays a crucial role
in the
motivating a person and helps with Correct article usage
apply
economic
development of a country. It is because of various Add an article
the economic
sports
activities
that people
come together to support their team, which ignites the flame to
nationalism. A successful sportsperson is considered by many Change preposition
of
people
as their role
model in life and they motivate people
to stay healthy and fit. Various domestic and international tournament
and competitions play a huge Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
role
to increase
the revenue of the government. Change preposition
in increasing
Such
competitive activities
nurture various businesses in a country directly and indirectly, which is a win-win situation for all. Cricket
, a popular sport in India, is considered a religion here. According to
a recent survey, sports
channels are watched 60% more than the rest, on
Change preposition
of
the
television in India. Correct article usage
apply
This
survey also
declared that BCCI, the authority figure for cricket
in India, is the richest Board in the world and generates a revenue of INR 10,000 crore for the nation.
To conclude
, it is true that pursuing sports
as a career can cause a dent in the pocket at an individual level, but on the flip side
it can Add a comma
side,
also
be a turn-around story for a nation on a broader scale. I would recommend the government to
come up with various subsidies to encourage Fix the infinitive
apply
sports
enthusiasts.Submitted by niravfb1987 on
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task achievement
Although your essay addresses the task well by discussing both views and giving your opinion, it would be beneficial to further refine your arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your essay more persuasive and impactful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's structure is sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support your thesis, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases and transitional words to better connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your opinion, which strengthens the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You've done a good job of including relevant examples and statistics to support your arguments, particularly with references to the popularity of cricket in India and the financial aspect of sports. This adds depth to your discussion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?