IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers and AI technology are increasingly being used for online education.Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience?Is this a positive or negative development?

#computers #technology #education #intelligence #development
AI-powered chatbots and virtual assistants are being deployed to provide instant support to students and faculty. These tools can answer common queries, assist in administrative tasks and enhance
overall
 user experience. In
this
 context, ensuring the privacy and security of sensitive student data is crucial. Mishandling of data can have serious consequences and compromise the quality of education.Another point worth consideration
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 seminars and collaborative projects can facilitate hands-on experience, enabling educators to integrate AI tools effectively into their teaching and research. Without the necessary knowledge, skills and experience, we might become their slaves.
This
 could
also
 lead to a war between humans and intelligent machines, posing a serious threat to the entire world.
On the other hand
, I would agree with those who think that developments in the field of AI will have beneficial effects on our lives in the
not so distant
Add a hyphen
not-so-distant
show examples
 future.
For example
, thanks to breakthroughs in satellite and spacecraft technologies, scientists will be able to make more precise predictions about extreme events,
such
 as asteroid collisions or violent storms, which might threaten life on
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
. Another example is that advances in automobile technology would help curb traffic congestion and improve road safety. Driverless cars and surveillance cameras would greatly contribute to minimising traffic accidents and traffic offences. In conclusion,
although
 some people are worried about the threats that AI will cause to the world,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally believe that developments in
this
 technology will bring huge benefits to our lives.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Consider starting your essay with a more direct statement on the topic, to clearly present your stance from the outset. This will help in setting the tone and making it easier for readers to understand your viewpoint.
supported points
When discussing the impacts of AI, providing specific examples to support your main points strengthens your argument. Try to include more detailed instances or studies that back up your claims about the benefits and risks associated with AI in education.
logical structure
Your transition from discussing concerns to highlighting the benefits of AI is quite abrupt. Adding a paragraph that acknowledges these concerns while transitioning to the potential positive outcomes could improve fluidity and balance in your argument.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the idea that the benefits of AI technology can outweigh the challenges.
Language
You've shown a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures that makes your writing engaging and keeps the reader's interest -- well done on this.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovative platforms
  • customized learning
  • adaptability
  • efficiency
  • lifelong learning
  • automation
  • feedback mechanisms
  • educational resources
  • remote accessibility
  • critical thinking
  • emotional development
  • over-reliance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: