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Band 7.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagreement this statement?

#people #money #future #disagreement
These days, there is a widespread argument on the issue of saving
money
 or consuming it.
While
 some consider saving funds a useless decision, I strongly believe that saving
money
 is vitally important for all age groups. The reasons for
this
 are as follows. First of all, intellectual and logical seem to be reserving some
money
 for a rainy day. Imagine the frustration and anxiety resulting in more stress if people were in need of
money
 in urgent situations like a car accident or getting a serious ailment.
Nevertheless
, one of the warrantors of tranquillity in the case of unpredicted disastrous circumstances could be having sufficient
money
. It is
therefore
 essential to have an adequate budget for critical situations.
Secondly
 and even more importantly, though, is the prosperity that saving
money
 could bring in the future
life
. Of course, spending much more
money
 on diverse leisure activities like travelling, shopping and eating out would be accompanied by a sense of enjoyment and happiness,
however
, I consider them all to be temporary. Having saved enough
money
, people are capable of investing in a new business earning more in later
life
 and experiencing more permanent pleasure and merriness.
As a result
, future
life
 could be accompanied by more self-confidence and independence for
life
 expenditures. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that rather than wasting the whole
money
 for the sake of enjoyment, holding educational campaigns to inform people of the tremendous benefits of storing funds would be justified.
Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or scenarios to further illustrate your points. This will enhance the relevance and clarity of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to elaborate more on the counterarguments to strengthen your position and make the essay more balanced.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and states your position, setting the stage for your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are supported well, making your argument persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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