IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The most important decision is that young people have to follow is what career to choose. Do you agreeor disagree?

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It is argued that choosing a profession is the most crucial decision that youngsters should follow.
This
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 essay agrees that it is essential for youths to
choosw
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choose
 a
proffessional
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professional
 pathway.
Firstly
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,
this
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 will guide them to achieving their future aspirations and
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secondly
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secondly,
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 it will offer them an opportunity of working overseas.
To begin
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 with, it is of great importance as a young person to decide on which occupation will fit you as it enables you to
work
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 on the skills required.
This
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 is to say that, every field of
work
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 has distinct core requirements for one to qualify working efficiently.
For instance
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, the medical field needs someone to be
knowledgable
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knowledgeable
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 in Biology and Mathematics.
Therefore
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, one needs to study and pass
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 subjects well before joining
university
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a university
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 or college. If they don't do well,
then
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theywill
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they will
 automatically not succeed in the profession of medicine.
Additionally
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, it is clear employment opportunities vary in different careers. By
this
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 I mean, some jobs are more
markatable
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marketable
 than others.
Proffessions
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Professions
Professionals
such
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 as nursing and education are known to have massive job opportunities.
For example
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, nurses are required Internationally. Once a nurse completes
there
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their
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 studies they can
work
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 anywhere around the world since advertisements
of
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for
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this
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 career are seen in the daily newsletters.
On the contrary
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, a certificate in human resource management will not be as valuable since we have very few slots. As an example, a particular organization may require only one manager but at the same time employ many people in cadres
such
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 as clinical officers.
To conclude
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, I concur with the phenomenon that settling on an occupation to follow is the most significant thing that teenagers can do
due to
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 the reasons given above namely; to get
a
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apply
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perfect guidance on a particular job and
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
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 of an opportunity to
work
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 abroad.

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Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance on the argument, which is commendable. However, ensuring a more precise thesis statement could enhance clarity.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure with clear main ideas presented in each paragraph. Improving transitions between ideas can make the flow even smoother.
Support and Examples
You've included relevant examples to support your main points. To further improve, ensure the examples are detailed and directly linked to the argument for stronger impact.
Language Accuracy
Watch out for minor errors in spelling, grammar, and word choice. While they do not significantly hinder understanding, polishing these can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your agreement with the statement. Ensure that it also echoes the intensity of your argument throughout the essay.
Examples
Good use of relevant examples to support arguments
Structure
Clear structure and organization of essay
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective introduction and conclusion sections

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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