IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important decision is that young people have to follow is what career to choose. Do you agreeor disagree?

#decision #people #career #agreeor
It is argued that choosing a profession is the most crucial decision that youngsters should follow.
This
 essay agrees that it is essential for youths to
choosw
Correct your spelling
choose
 a
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 pathway.
Firstly
,
this
 will guide them to achieving their future aspirations and
secondly
Add a comma
secondly,
show examples
 it will offer them an opportunity of working overseas.
To begin
 with, it is of great importance as a young person to decide on which occupation will fit you as it enables you to
work
 on the skills required.
This
 is to say that, every field of
work
 has distinct core requirements for one to qualify working efficiently.
For instance
, the medical field needs someone to be
knowledgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
show examples
 in Biology and Mathematics.
Therefore
, one needs to study and pass
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 subjects well before joining
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 or college. If they don't do well,
then
theywill
Correct your spelling
they will
 automatically not succeed in the profession of medicine.
Additionally
, it is clear employment opportunities vary in different careers. By
this
 I mean, some jobs are more
markatable
Correct your spelling
marketable
 than others.
Proffessions
Correct your spelling
Professions
Professionals
such
 as nursing and education are known to have massive job opportunities.
For example
, nurses are required Internationally. Once a nurse completes
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 studies they can
work
 anywhere around the world since advertisements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 career are seen in the daily newsletters.
On the contrary
, a certificate in human resource management will not be as valuable since we have very few slots. As an example, a particular organization may require only one manager but at the same time employ many people in cadres
such
 as clinical officers.
To conclude
, I concur with the phenomenon that settling on an occupation to follow is the most significant thing that teenagers can do
due to
 the reasons given above namely; to get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
perfect guidance on a particular job and
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
show examples
 of an opportunity to
work
 abroad.
Submitted by rebecckwamboka96 on

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Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and provided a clear stance on the argument, which is commendable. However, ensuring a more precise thesis statement could enhance clarity.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates good logical structure with clear main ideas presented in each paragraph. Improving transitions between ideas can make the flow even smoother.
Support and Examples
You've included relevant examples to support your main points. To further improve, ensure the examples are detailed and directly linked to the argument for stronger impact.
Language Accuracy
Watch out for minor errors in spelling, grammar, and word choice. While they do not significantly hinder understanding, polishing these can elevate the overall quality of your writing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your agreement with the statement. Ensure that it also echoes the intensity of your argument throughout the essay.
Examples
Good use of relevant examples to support arguments
Structure
Clear structure and organization of essay
Introduction & Conclusion
Effective introduction and conclusion sections

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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