IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialize with others. What problems do children face when going online withobut parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?

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The online engagement rate of teenagers on social platforms has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 few years.
However
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, some
children
Use synonyms
 use these sites without
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 supervision which can numerous
problems
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 in their lives. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss those issues and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 measures to solve them. To commence with the
problems
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, it is very common for
children
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 to come across
among
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apply
show examples
strangers, who can influence them negatively. It is very easy to target
children
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 as they are not aware of bad people who are active on social websites and can use them for their own welfare like
misguide
Wrong verb form
misguiding
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 them to send their nude photos, share inappropriate content etc. These actions not on
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 them mentally but
also
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 physically. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
abusing
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abuse
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 goes over the limit, sometimes
children
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 prefer to commit suicide rather than
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
show examples
 it with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
.
Besides
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this
Linking Words
, social activation is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time.
Although
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, teens know it but still spend most of their time
in
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apply
show examples
scorlling
Correct your spelling
scrolling
 Instagram, TikTok,
Correct word choice
and
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Facebook.
This
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 activation hinders their physical growth
as well as
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 affects their studies. Since the invention of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, individuals
do
Verb problem
have
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lack
Replace the word
lacked
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exercise as compared to before. It is causing so many health
problems
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such
Linking Words
 as heart diseases, blood
pressures
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pressure
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, respiratory
problems
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 etcetera.
Movingfurther
Correct your spelling
Moving further
 towards the solution of all these issues, first and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foremost is that parents should monitor their kids.
The
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
 should keep an eye on activities that they perform online.
In addition
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, they should try to build a transparent relationship with their
children
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, so that they do not hesitate to share their
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
Moreover
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, they can act as a role model for their
children
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 by indulging themselves in good habits like less usage of mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 quality time with family,
read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 books ,
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
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, yoga, meditation and so on. In
this
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 way, they can protect
children
Use synonyms
 from
claws
Correct article usage
the claws
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 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
To conclude
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,
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 is invented for the sake of people.
Children
Use synonyms
 should use it in limit and
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 should supervise them,
while
Linking Words
 their juveniles are using it.

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Structure
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Sentence Structure
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Development
Work on developing your ideas more comprehensively by providing specific examples and explanations. This adds depth to your essay and makes your arguments more convincing.
Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Minor mistakes can distract from the quality of your argument.
Vocabulary
Consider expanding your vocabulary to include more precise and sophisticated language. This can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Topic Relevance
You have effectively addressed the topic and provided relevant arguments and solutions.
Structure
Your essay structure, including an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is well-organized.
Grammar
You've demonstrated good control of basic grammar and punctuation.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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