Governments give lots of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been spent better elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Sectors like arts , music , health , education,
technology
Correct word choice
and technology
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play significant
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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in a
countries
Change noun form
country's
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development . Artist play a part and parcel role as they represent the culture and traditions of our country through their work
therefore
government pays more attention towards them . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the issue. There is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe funding
art
Correct article usage
the art
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sector is not important
Correct determiner usage
apply
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this
,
this
money should
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
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on sectors like healthcare , education , research
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
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and all .it seems to be
pretty
Correct article usage
a pretty
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controversial topic across the globe . In the succeeding monograph, I intend to delve into the rationale for both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
beliefs
as well as
a proffer example to justify my notion .
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure that your introduction clearly introduces the topic and outlines what the essay will discuss. While your opening does introduce the topic, making your intention clearer could improve the essay's effectiveness.
Use of Examples
Work on providing specific examples to support your arguments. Including examples helps to strengthen your points and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Paragraph Structure
Try to develop a more structured approach to your paragraphs, making sure each one deals with a single main idea. This can help in enhancing the clarity and flow of your essay.
Conclusion Presence
Remember to provide a conclusion that succinctly summarizes your discussions and clearly states your opinion. This helps to round off your essay effectively.
Topic Relevance
Your essay touches upon an important and complex topic, showing an understanding of its relevance to society.
Identifying Controversy
You've effectively highlighted the controversy surrounding the topic, which is a good starting point for presenting both views.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • government patronage
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • creative industries
  • unnecessary expense
  • essential services
  • democratize
  • private patronage
  • market forces
  • innovation
  • boost tourism
  • subjective nature
  • allocated ineffectively
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