Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #governments #money #projects

Undoubtedly, with the increasing numbers of individuals who pay more attention to the improvement and convenience of science and technology,

people

have started to neglect the importance of

art

Hence

, some

people

harbour a belief that authorities should not spend too much funding to develop the artistic realm. From my perspective, it is a very controversial issue which deserves

Change the article

show examples

in-depth discussion, and a conclusion will be drawn.

To begin

with,

art

plays a vital role in our daily life. Admittedly, there is a growing tendency

that

Change preposition

for

show examples

people

nowadays to either participate in

art

exhibitions

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

or join music concerts as a way of fostering relationships with family and friends during the weekend.

Moreover

art

projects are an effective and achievable solution to relieve the pressure from work and study.

According to

a study conducted by National Taiwan University, 80

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

of middle-aged adults reflected that having positive and constructive thoughts after participating in

art

activities. On the other end of the spectrum, Artworks effectively and unexpectedly

shrink

Correct subject-verb agreement

shrinks

show examples

the gap and

promote

Correct subject-verb agreement

promotes

show examples

more interactions between countries.

For instance

, BTS, a Korean K-pop group, was extremely popular among millennials and

invited

Add a missing verb

was invited

show examples

to give a speech encouraging teenagers to love themselves at the United Nations. Music demonstrates that it can connect thousands of

people

across language barriers. In conclusion, even though artworks do not directly affect improving

people

's lives, their merits must not be ignored by governments

due to

the function of connecting relationships and the benefits that shrinking the country's barriers.

Submitted by bpcivvian on Tue Apr 09 2024

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supported main points

Ensure you thoroughly develop each main idea with more detailed explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.

task achievement

Review and ensure minor grammatical or spelling inaccuracies are minimized to improve clarity.

coherence cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the readability of your essay.

coherence cohesion

While maintaining a strong structure, try to seamlessly integrate your examples with the points being made for a smoother flow of ideas.

task achievement

Your essay presents a balanced view on the importance of art, emphasizing both its personal and societal value effectively.

introduction conclusion present

You concluded your essay well, summarizing your main points and restating your position coherently.

relevant specific examples

The use of examples, such as the BTS at the United Nations, makes your argument more compelling and concrete.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

249 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, governments should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that activities of large multinational companies mostly benefit the economies of developing countries, other people take the opposite view and feel these large multinationals are harmful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

İn some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both two views and give your opinion.

In the past, knowledge was stored in books. Today, people stored knowledge on the Internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history about house or building they live in. What are reason for this? how can people research it?

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?