IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The movements of people from the villages to the cities for work has caused a lots of problems in both places. What are the serious problems associated with this? What measures can be taken to solve these problems?

#movements #people #villages #cities #work #lots #places #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The migration from rural areas to cities has gained momentum over the
last
 half of a century. It poses numerous issues for both villages and towns.
This
 essay will shed some light on the main problems of
such
 a phenomenon and provide several plausible solutions to resolve the same.
Firstly
, mass migration can exert severe pressure on finite land resources and skyrocket real estate prices.
For instance
, Hong Kong faced
such
 a problem at the beginning of the twenty-first century, and today, an average apartment costs approximately twenty years of family income. To resolve
such
 a predicament, governments throughout the world should develop a fast internet connection and pass new regulation measures to make their economies more decentralized.
Moreover
, when youngsters leave their families in small towns to excel in big cities, it creates additional risks for senior citizens who lose necessary support and puts additional pressure on healthcare systems.
For example
,
according to
 a study conducted at the University of North Carolina, seniors without children and grandkids support spend twenty-three per cent more on health-laden issues. It is recommended that a group of small cities with reasonable accommodation prices in one particular area
instead
 of developing infinite megalopolises be developed to make it possible to move the whole family during the immigration process and cut some costs.
Although
 the domestic migration phenomenon provides new opportunities for the young generations, it has its own drawbacks. It is predicted that technological development may help to make neglected rural areas great again.
Submitted by 8453525 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction refinement
Consider refining the introduction to more directly address the serious problems and proposed solutions, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.
Idea Development
To further enhance the essay, you might explore a broader range of solutions, considering both governmental and community-level initiatives.
Sentence Structure
Keep an eye on sentence structure and punctuation to ensure clarity and readability. Minor improvements can make a difference.
Use of Examples
The essay effectively uses real-world examples, such as the reference to Hong Kong, to illustrate the issues of urban migration.
Logical Structure
You have structured your essay logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument and understand the points made.
Conclusion
Your conclusion ties back to the introduction, neatly bookending your discussion and reinforcing your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Rural-urban divide
  • Dwindling opportunities
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Infrastructure development
  • Job creation
  • Sustainable development
  • Economic diversification
  • Skills training
  • Cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: