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Writing Samples
Band 5

ome children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#ome #children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In
this
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 contemporary era, with the advancement of
techology
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technology
 and globalization, the use of modern technological devices has rapidly increased. Many tend to spend most of
the
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their
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 precious time virtually on modern devices.
This
Linking Words
 essay outlines the negative development examining the reasons and potential consequences.
Firstly
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, the development of cellular phones
postively
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positively
 impacted our community in different ways. By examining the method of communication between the past generations
this
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 method has proliferated the company to provide and upgrade their devices. People from anywhere in the part of the world can communicate virtually.
For example
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, applications like
whatsapp
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WhatsApp
,
instagram
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Instagram
show examples
 and
skype
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Skype
show examples
plays
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play
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 a prominent role in
this
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 generation. Another reason, nowadays a great number of kids own their own smartphones mainly to communicate with their group of friends. Cellular phones
has
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have
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 become an inseparable device in
adoloscents
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adolescents
adolescent
 lives.
For instance
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, pupil
use
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uses
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 it for watching movies, playing video games and
also
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 reading e-commerce books through Amazon
prime
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Prime
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 which
grab
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grabs
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 their attention
in to
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into
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 phones. From my perspective,
this
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 development has
varuious
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various
 drawbacks. First and foremost, it is extremely
time consuming
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time-consuming
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 as children find themselves scrolling down for hours rather than focusing on extracurricular activities or playing outdoor games with their counterparts. With
the
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apply
show examples
excessive use, people can become isolated and
finds
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find
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 difficulty in communicating in
academic
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academics
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 or even with neighbourhoods.
For example
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, if a child only speaks to his friends by texting, he would not be able to express
is
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his
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 ideas in
face to face
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face-to-face
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 interactions, which will make him depressed and anxious. In short,
although
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 the growth of modern technology has impacted the world in variable ways, it can damage the
childrens
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children's
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brain
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brains
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 to think and vision with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
over usage even in their growing stage.
Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on

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Structure
Expand on the introduction and conclusion to ensure they adequately set up and summarize your essay's main points.
Coherence
Incorporate clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Vocabulary
Be mindful of repetitive expressions and try to employ a wider vocabulary to articulate your points.
Task Response
The essay skillfully addresses both aspects of the question, discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is positive or negative.
Support for Points
You've provided specific examples that support your main points, such as the mention of WhatsApp, Instagram, and playing video games.
Comprehension
Your approach to the topic is clear, demonstrating an understanding of the issue and its consequences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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