ome children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#ome #children #hours #smartphones #case #development

this

contemporary era, with the advancement of

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

and globalization, the use of modern technological devices has rapidly increased. Many tend to spend most of

the

Change the word

their

show examples

precious time virtually on modern devices.

This

essay outlines the negative development examining the reasons and potential consequences.

Firstly

, the development of cellular phones

postively

Correct your spelling

positively

impacted our community in different ways. By examining the method of communication between the past generations

this

method has proliferated the company to provide and upgrade their devices. People from anywhere in the part of the world can communicate virtually.

For example

, applications like

Correct your spelling

instagram

Change the capitalization

Instagram

show examples

and

skype

Capitalize word

Skype

show examples

plays

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play

show examples

a prominent role in

this

generation. Another reason, nowadays a great number of kids own their own smartphones mainly to communicate with their group of friends. Cellular phones

has

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have

show examples

become an inseparable device in

adoloscents

Correct your spelling

adolescents

adolescent

lives.

For instance

, pupil

use

Change the verb form

uses

show examples

it for watching movies, playing video games and

also

reading e-commerce books through Amazon

prime

Capitalize word

Prime

show examples

which

grab

Correct subject-verb agreement

grabs

show examples

their attention

in to

Join the words

into

show examples

thier

Correct your spelling

their

phones. From my perspective,

this

development has

varuious

Correct your spelling

various

drawbacks. First and foremost, it is extremely

time consuming

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time-consuming

show examples

as children find themselves scrolling down for hours rather than focusing on extracurricular activities or playing outdoor games with their counterparts. With

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excessive use, people can become isolated and

finds

Correct subject-verb agreement

find

show examples

difficulty in communicating in

academic

Fix the agreement mistake

academics

show examples

or even with neighbourhoods.

For example

, if a child only speaks to his friends by texting, he would not be able to express

Correct your spelling

his

show examples

ideas in

face to face

Add a hyphen

face-to-face

show examples

interactions, which will make him depressed and anxious. In short,

although

the growth of modern technology has impacted the world in variable ways, it can damage the

childrens

Change to a genitive case

children's

show examples

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

to think and vision with

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

over usage even in their growing stage.

Submitted by athulyaraj0011 on Tue Apr 09 2024

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Structure

Expand on the introduction and conclusion to ensure they adequately set up and summarize your essay's main points.

Coherence

Incorporate clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

Cohesion

Utilize a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Vocabulary

Be mindful of repetitive expressions and try to employ a wider vocabulary to articulate your points.

Task Response

The essay skillfully addresses both aspects of the question, discussing why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is positive or negative.

Support for Points

You've provided specific examples that support your main points, such as the mention of WhatsApp, Instagram, and playing video games.

Comprehension

Your approach to the topic is clear, demonstrating an understanding of the issue and its consequences.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

287 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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ome children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

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