The gap between the rich and the poor has been enlarged in recent years. What are the causes and solutions for this problem?

#gap #years

There

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

a growing distinction between wealthy and less successful

people

recently.

This

essay will first discuss corrupted government officials who

causes

Change the verb form

cause

show examples

the problem, and the best

solutions

Fix the agreement mistake

solution

show examples

is to announce capital punishment or life sentence for any case of illegal actions among authorities. In most cases, corruption is an essential reason why

people

experience poverty. Some dishonest government officials give more chances to wealthy men than destitute

people

Furthermore

, political leaders

prone

Add a missing verb

are prone

show examples

to provide businesspeople with various subsidies to run their business without any conditions or in case of getting a bribe in comparison with other less affluent entrepreneurs.

Consequently

, rich

people

are becoming richer and richer

due to

their various possibilities,

meanwhile

Add a comma

meanwhile,

show examples

almost 70% of the total population live under the lowest level of standard of living. The solution is how corruption can be eliminated in

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

is implementing custodial strict laws by arresting guilty

people

till

Change preposition

for

show examples

the rest of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

or executing them. When any government representative is suspicious of being offered corrupted actions, responsible officers must take

pro-active

Correct your spelling

proactive

show examples

approaches to prove and punish that disloyal state worker.

After

this

person should

be send

Change the verb form

be sent

show examples

to jail

Change preposition

for

show examples

a life

sentenced

Replace the word

sentence

show examples

convicted or even get

death

Add an article

the death

show examples

penalty.

For example

, Singapore ministers were able to eradicate totally any misconduct action in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

just

in 40-year

Correct your spelling

40 years

time to become a fair country. In conclusion, the gap between

solvent

Correct article usage

the solvent

show examples

and

middle -lass

Correct your spelling

middle-lass

show examples

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

is negatively growing. Corruption is the main cause,

however

, some strict laws that limit somebodies’ freedom can help to reduce it.

Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on Tue Apr 09 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding. However, to improve coherence, consider linking your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly with a variety of transitional phrases.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've nicely introduced and concluded your essay, which is commendable. To further enhance, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points without introducing new information.

Task Achievement

You have focused on a central idea which aligns with the task question. However, expanding on the causes and solutions with a wider variety of examples and more detailed explanations could strengthen your argument.

Task Achievement

Your choice of solution is quite extreme (capital punishment or life sentence). Considering a wider range of solutions that are more realistic and humane could make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.

Structure

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Content

You have identified corruption as a main cause, which is a relevant and strong point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

254 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The gap between the rich and the poor has been enlarged in recent years. What are the causes and solutions for this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, the world has witnessed a noticeable decline in interest and participation in traditional forms of art and culture

Being involved in the arts makes people feel better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Scientists predict in the near future, car will be driven by computers, not people. Why? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

Some people say advertising has positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because it will make people dissatisfied with who they are and what they have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.