The gap between the rich and the poor has been enlarged in recent years. What are the causes and solutions for this problem?
There
is
a growing distinction between wealthy and less successful Wrong verb form
has been
people
recently. This
essay will first discuss corrupted government officials who causes
the problem, and the best Change the verb form
cause
solutions
is to announce capital punishment or life sentence for any case of illegal actions among authorities.
In most cases, corruption is an essential reason why Fix the agreement mistake
solution
people
experience poverty. Some dishonest government officials give more chances to wealthy men than destitute people
. Furthermore
, political leaders prone
to provide businesspeople with various subsidies to run their business without any conditions or in case of getting a bribe in comparison with other less affluent entrepreneurs. Add a missing verb
are prone
Consequently
, rich people
are becoming richer and richer due to
their various possibilities, meanwhile
almost 70% of the total population live under the lowest level of standard of living.
The solution is how corruption can be eliminated in Add a comma
meanwhile,
country
is implementing custodial strict laws by arresting guilty Add an article
the country
people
till
the rest of their Change preposition
for
life
or executing them. When any government representative is suspicious of being offered corrupted actions, responsible officers must take Fix the agreement mistake
lives
pro-active
approaches to prove and punish that disloyal state worker. Correct your spelling
proactive
After
this
person should be send
to jail Change the verb form
be sent
as
a life Change preposition
for
sentenced
convicted or even get Replace the word
sentence
death
penalty. Add an article
the death
For example
, Singapore ministers were able to eradicate totally any misconduct action in the
just Correct article usage
apply
in 40-year
time to become a fair country.
In conclusion, the gap between Correct your spelling
40 years
solvent
and Correct article usage
the solvent
middle -lass
Correct your spelling
middle-lass
population
is negatively growing. Corruption is the main cause, Fix the agreement mistake
populations
however
, some strict laws that limit somebodies’ freedom can help to reduce it.Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding. However, to improve coherence, consider linking your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly with a variety of transitional phrases.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've nicely introduced and concluded your essay, which is commendable. To further enhance, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
You have focused on a central idea which aligns with the task question. However, expanding on the causes and solutions with a wider variety of examples and more detailed explanations could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your choice of solution is quite extreme (capital punishment or life sentence). Considering a wider range of solutions that are more realistic and humane could make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Structure
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Content
You have identified corruption as a main cause, which is a relevant and strong point.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example