The gap between the rich and the poor has been enlarged in recent years. What are the causes and solutions for this problem?

#gap #years

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There

Wrong verb form

has been

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a growing distinction between wealthy and less successful

people

Use synonyms

recently.

This

Linking Words

essay will first discuss corrupted government officials who

causes

Change the verb form

cause

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the problem, and the best

solutions

Fix the agreement mistake

solution

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is to announce capital punishment or life sentence for any case of illegal actions among authorities. In most cases, corruption is an essential reason why

people

Use synonyms

experience poverty. Some dishonest government officials give more chances to wealthy men than destitute

people

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, political leaders

prone

Add a missing verb

are prone

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to provide businesspeople with various subsidies to run their business without any conditions or in case of getting a bribe in comparison with other less affluent entrepreneurs.

Consequently

Linking Words

, rich

people

Use synonyms

are becoming richer and richer

due to

Linking Words

their various possibilities,

meanwhile

Add a comma

meanwhile,

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almost 70% of the total population live under the lowest level of standard of living. The solution is how corruption can be eliminated in

country

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the country

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is implementing custodial strict laws by arresting guilty

people

Use synonyms

till

Change preposition

for

show examples

the rest of their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

or executing them. When any government representative is suspicious of being offered corrupted actions, responsible officers must take

pro-active

Correct your spelling

proactive

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approaches to prove and punish that disloyal state worker.

After

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

person should

be send

Change the verb form

be sent

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to jail

Change preposition

for

show examples

a life

sentenced

Replace the word

sentence

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convicted or even get

death

Add an article

the death

show examples

penalty.

For example

Linking Words

, Singapore ministers were able to eradicate totally any misconduct action in

the

Correct article usage

apply

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just

in 40-year

Correct your spelling

40 years

time to become a fair country. In conclusion, the gap between

solvent

Correct article usage

the solvent

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and

middle -lass

Correct your spelling

middle-lass

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population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

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is negatively growing. Corruption is the main cause,

however

Linking Words

, some strict laws that limit somebodies’ freedom can help to reduce it.

Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on Tue Apr 09 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, main body, and conclusion, which aids in the reader's understanding. However, to improve coherence, consider linking your paragraphs and ideas more smoothly with a variety of transitional phrases.

Coherence & Cohesion

You've nicely introduced and concluded your essay, which is commendable. To further enhance, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes the key points without introducing new information.

Task Achievement

You have focused on a central idea which aligns with the task question. However, expanding on the causes and solutions with a wider variety of examples and more detailed explanations could strengthen your argument.

Task Achievement

Your choice of solution is quite extreme (capital punishment or life sentence). Considering a wider range of solutions that are more realistic and humane could make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.

Structure

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Content

You have identified corruption as a main cause, which is a relevant and strong point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

254 words

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The gap between the rich and the poor has been enlarged in recent years. What are the causes and solutions for this problem?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that formal 'pen and paper' examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement. What is your view of examinations? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.