there are many different types of music in the world today. why do we need music? is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
In
this
modern-day world, there is
a lot of genres Correct subject-verb agreement
are
music
that are being introduced to us. Change preposition
of music
This
is because music
simply can help us to express our feelings. Although
some the
international Correct article usage
apply
music
is getting more recognized by people
these days, I personally believe that the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
music
holds the
Correct article usage
an
importance
Replace the word
important
roles
Fix the agreement mistake
role
to show
the country's uniqueness.
For some musicians, creating Change preposition
in showing
music
is their ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
to show
Change preposition
of showing
people
about
how they feel. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, their listeners can also
related
to those feelings and help them to release their emotions through their songs or their instruments. Change the verb form
relate
be related
For instance
, many psychologists use instrumental music
to help their patients release their anxiety and become calmer.
Although
,
social media affected Remove the comma
apply
people
to listen more the international music
, the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
music
become more popular in the tourism industry as a culture
and traditional Replace the word
cultural
aspects
. Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
For example
, Angklung as an Indonesia's
Change noun form
Indonesia
music
intrument
become more popular these days. Correct your spelling
instrument
This
also
make
a Sundanese song Change the verb form
makes
such
as Manuk Dadali and Mojang Priangan can be listened by
Change preposition
to by
people
all over the world.
In conclusion, we can not eradicate music
from our life
because it helps us to release our emotions. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Moreover
the
traditional Correct article usage
apply
music
helps the nations to promote their own culture.Submitted by ers.2024 on
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Task Achievement
Strengthen your argumentation by providing more varied and specific examples. Incorporating diverse and detailed instances can enrich your essay and support your points more effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using more varied transitional phrases can enhance the flow of ideas and maintain reader engagement.
Task Achievement & Coherence/Cohesion
Effective use of examples such as using music in psychology and the Angklung instrument to illustrate points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay's main points.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, recognizing the importance of both traditional and international music.
Your opinion
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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