IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study.

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There is a belief that
students
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 should choose what they prefer to
study
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 at their high school period. I completely agree with
this
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 belief because it will help them to find their own interests and flourish their real talent.
To begin
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 with, after developing science over these years, a large number of fields have been introduced to
students
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 and made them able to follow their real patients.
Although
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 , the
study
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 rules have provided strict rules for learners most of them have to select between limited options
such
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 as math, physics, and history . And they have to manage all of them at the same time. These rules have lost their reliability gradually because
this
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 developed world requires effective and professional ones in a subject ,rather than ,a person who has little knowledge in all majors.
For example
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, research has indicated if a person wants to experience a field and has to spend 400 hours on that lesson, now consider a massive number of books that are prepared for
students
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 and they have to
study
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 all of them at once.
Furthermore
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, the case
study
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 compared a period between two groups one of them had to read a book that they were interested in and another group had to read four books at the same time. The result of that survey showed , that individuals who read a book were 80% more accurate than other ones.
Additionally
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, when a human follows their needs it will increase their motivation and help them to understand materials easier.
On the other hand
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, if we put the responsibility of selecting a major to learners they might neglect some subjects ,
however
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, I do not support
this
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 idea because there are a large number of
students
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 and any subject could be peak by a scholar.
Also
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, governments have to accept that some majors are popular because there are more demands in those fields.
For instance
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 , engineering, doctors, dentists and nurses. In conclusion, in my opinion , I completely support
this
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 view that scholars have to be able to select their subject because it will increase their efficiency and they can learn more effectively.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words to smoothly transition between ideas and strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
To improve clarity, aim for more precise language and be mindful of avoiding typographical errors like 'patients' instead of 'passions'.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with clarity and the structure of sentences to avoid confusion. For example, make sure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning without ambiguity.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the topic, effectively arguing in favor of allowing students to choose their courses.
task achievement
Your use of an example to support your argument demonstrates an effective way to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, clearly establishing your viewpoint and summarizing your argument.
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