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Band 5

Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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The majority of people believe that
pupils
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 a improve their
future
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 lives most successfully before starting
school
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. Other ones say that improvement as a teenager, for at
school
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, is more strong. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I give you my own opinion. On the one hand, the majority of people have
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 background is the main point for
pupils
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' strong
attitude
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 toward their parents and siblings.
they
Capitalize word
They
show examples
 are always flowing about what they see and what they hear.
therefore
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, parents have
a the
Choose an article
a
the
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 responsibility that their
children
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 have. They should teach them good thoughts and attitudes.
For example
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, parents should keep always they are attitudes like good communication and respect for each other.
As a result
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,
pupils
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 follow what they see and they do it. The reason why,
pupils
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 always
future
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life
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 become successful in their home before starting
school
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.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 others believe that
children
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 learn for their
future
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life
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 success the
school
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 for teenagers.
Moreover
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, they think that the
tuter
Correct your spelling
tutor
 gives them good
knowledge
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 and
attitude
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 for
school
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.
For instance
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, they are taking some of the other
knowledge
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 in the
school
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 for teenagers.
Such
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 as the
tuter
Correct your spelling
tutor
 gives them on-time work and a good
attitude
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 like cleaning their background in the classroom
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 outside of the the class.
However
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, that way
children
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 should take other
knowledge
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 from the
school
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 too.
As a consequence
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, they get the
knowledge
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 of their
future
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life
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 they work on time and they have to keep good discipline. In conclusion, more and more
children
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 have an
attitude
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 that their
future
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life
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 is successful for their families before going to
school
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. Another way that they make good improvements is that
school
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 too. In my opinion, that way
children
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 make a good improvement on both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 and
children
Use synonyms
 should follow that
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
future
Use synonyms
 is well

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your opinion. This will guide the reader smoothly into your discussion.
Structure
Work on presenting your ideas in a more structured format. Consider using paragraphs to separate different ideas or viewpoints for clarity.
Examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. This can help to strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
Language
Be mindful of grammar and vocabulary. Try to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the quality of your essay.
Conclusion
Remember to clearly state your own opinion in the conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed and explaining why you hold your view.
Task response
You discussed both views on the influence of early childhood and teenage experiences on a child's future, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
Content
Your effort to provide examples and reasoning behind each viewpoint helps to support your discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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