Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health. Others believe that the Government should make sure that their citizens are healthy.
Some
people
think that you should take care
about
your Change preposition
of
health
. Others believe that Government
should make it. Correct article usage
the Government
People
should be responsible for their health
.
The first view think
that Verb problem
is
person
should take Correct article usage
a person
care
about
Change preposition
of
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
health
. Man spends time by himself every day and he know
how he Change the verb form
knows
feel
during the day. So Change the verb form
feels
people
should be the
Correct article usage
apply
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
of
Change preposition
for
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
health
.
For example
, you caught a cold and only you know that you have temperature
, cough and sore throat. Add an article
a temperature
That’s
Unnecessary verb
That
person
should goAdd an article
a person
the person
a
doctor. In my Change preposition
to a
opinion
you always must be in your first place. Only you should take Add a comma
opinion,
care
about
Change preposition
of
you
and no one else.
That’s Correct pronoun usage
yourself
people
think that you should be responsible for your Rephrase
why people
health
.
Second
view Correct article usage
The second
people
believe that the Government
should make
Correct your spelling
take
care
about
Change preposition
of
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
health
. People
think that the Government
should provide a routine check up
with doctors and Correct your spelling
checkup
day
off Correct article usage
a day
at
work when you go to the Change preposition
from
doctors
.
Fix the agreement mistake
doctor
For example
, there is smog in the city. The Government
should build air purifier
because Fix the agreement mistake
purifiers
people
can’t breath
polluted air. Polluted air leads to lung congestion. I think that the Replace the word
breathe
government
should take care
about
Change preposition
of
citizens
at the global level.
That’s people
believe that the Rephrase
why people
Government
should make sure that their citizens
are healthy.
In conclusion
some Add a comma
conclusion,
people
think that Correct article usage
a person
person
should be responsible Fix the agreement mistake
people
about
Change preposition
for
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
health
, others
believe that the Correct word choice
while others
Government
should take care
about
Change preposition
of
citizens
. In my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
person
should take Fix the agreement mistake
people
care
about
Change preposition
of
yourself
privately and the Correct pronoun usage
themselves
Government
should make sure at the global level.Submitted by alexareptile on
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structural advice
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs that focus on one main idea each, and a conclusion. This structure helps readers follow your argument more easily.
language advice
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate your English proficiency. Some sentences in your essay are a bit repetitive or simplistic.
content advice
Use specific examples to support your arguments. The more detailed your examples, the more convincing your essay will be.
grammar and accuracy advice
Be careful about the consistence of pronoun usage (e.g., 'your' vs 'their' health). This helps in maintaining clarity in your arguments.
content highlight
You present both views before stating your own opinion, as the question prompt requires.
content highlight
You have tried to provide examples to support your points, which is good practice.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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