IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are theadvantages and disadvantages for the child having a large number of toys?

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Some adults
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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buy their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
toys
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will uncover the advantages and disadvantages of the given notion. It is obvious that children are happy when they
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
toys
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 having many types of playing tools might
isolated
Change the verb form
isolate
show examples
 an individual by not willing to play outside with their peers
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 for only
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
parents
a parent
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parents
Use synonyms
 who
spoiled
Wrong verb form
spoil
show examples
 their child by giving him Playstation, Pump it Up and various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of game gadgets at home tend to indulge in their own world, because of poor time management, lack of
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
 and
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kid might disobey their
parents
Use synonyms
, neglecting their
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
 and resist to socialize outside
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 with his friends. Having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various types of
toys
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial for children only if
parents
Use synonyms
 choose
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
wisely what type of
toys
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
might help them to learn more and boost their academic scores at school
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
by
minimalize
Wrong verb form
minimalising
show examples
 the amount
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 it.
For example
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, physical
toys
Use synonyms
 are rare
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for kids who already
enters
Change the verb form
enter
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elementary school.
Large
Change the article
A large
The large
show examples
 number of games are installed in a gadget named
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
show examples
 which can easily be brought anywhere. not only games,
Correct word choice
but youtube
show examples
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and learning apps can be installed.
thus
Linking Words
, will
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
show examples
 youngsters from
isolated
Wrong verb form
isolating
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 in games and
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 their interest in
another apps
Replace the adjective
another app
other apps
show examples
 like
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and Duolingo for learning or even socializing with their friends
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media.
To sum up
Linking Words
, owing to lack of
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
, poor time management and
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 in kids, giving them a large number of
toys
Use synonyms
 will cause various problems
such
Linking Words
 as isolation,
disobidient
Correct your spelling
disobedience
 and more.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
simplify
Wrong verb form
simplifying
show examples
 their pleasure and needs in just one gadget
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
an Ipad
show examples
Ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
show examples
 could be more beneficial by
devided
Verb problem
deviding
show examples
 their interest in apps.
However
Linking Words
, In order to expand a
gadget
Change noun form
gadget's
show examples
 benefits and decrease risks and negativity, parental supervision is needed.

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clarity and grammar
You've done well in presenting both the advantages and disadvantages of children having a large number of toys. However, to enhance clarity, consider rephrasing sentences with grammatical errors or awkward constructions.
coherence
For better coherence, try to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to guide the reader more effectively through your arguments.
task completion
To improve task achievement, ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed with balanced coverage between advantages and disadvantages, and richly supported by specific examples.
accuracy
Check your essay for minor typing errors or misspellings, such as 'offsprings' instead of 'offspring', and ensure correct punctuation usage for a polished presentation.
structure
You have a good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides, and a conclusion summarizing your views.
example
Your example of how modern technology, like the iPad, can offer both educational and social opportunities for children was insightful and relevant to today's context.
position
You maintained a clear position throughout the essay, providing a balanced view on the topic, which is crucial for task achievement.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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