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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that the best way of learning about life is by listening to the advice of family and friends. Other people believe that the best way of learning about life is through personal experience. Compare the advantages of these two different ways of learning about life. Which do you think is preferable? Use specific examples to support your preference

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Beyond doubt, there have been many discussions revolving around the issue of whether some groups support the belief that
people
Use synonyms
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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receive advice from their family and
friends
Use synonyms
 for learning or others agree that
people
Use synonyms
 ought to learn by themselves.
Although
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 both ideas are respectful, I highly support the second idea. In the next paragraph, I will delve into the main reasons in their detail. First of all, parents have precious
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 because they experience a lot of things
due to
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 their age in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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life.
Therefore
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, most of them usually can try to guide their children in the right direction.
Besides
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,
friends
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 are
also
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 very close ones
for
Change preposition
to
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 us.
For
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this
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 reason, they usually help to us
that
Correct word choice
apply
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we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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make the right decisions.
For example
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, any person wants to attempt
to
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apply
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a new business. If their family or
friends
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 have some pieces of information about it, their recommendations will be very valuable.
Moreover
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,
people
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 will be prevented
their
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from their
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 loss of time or money by them. All these are taken into consideration, it seems that listening to the advice of family and
friends
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 is very plausible.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 belief that
who
Correct pronoun usage
one
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 learns about anything by yourself is very important because if
people
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 learn by themselves, it can occur some mistakes.
Consequently
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,
people
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 can learn well
through
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from
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 these mistakes in the next time.
Furthermore
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, the learning process can change for any person. Sometimes learning anything can be easy for one person,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 another one can feel some difficulties. It does not mean that it is difficult in general. What’s more, young
people
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 especially are more aware of innovations compared to their family. Thereby, learning sometimes can change
to
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apply
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situations.
To sum up
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, I support
people
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 should learn from their personal experiences because they can learn very well from their noticed rights and mistakes.
Hence
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, they will improve with their experiences. In my opinion,
people
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 should listen to the advice of their family and
friends
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 when they
have
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apply
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need it.

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Examples
Consider providing more specific personal or widely recognized examples to support your points. This strengthens your argument and makes your ideas more relatable and convincing.
Thesis Statement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to present your main argument and guide your essay structure. This helps the reader understand your stance from the beginning.
Balanced Discussion
Try to maintain a balanced discussion when comparing two viewpoints, dedicating similar lengths and depth of analysis to each perspective before stating your preference.
Connectors
Review the use of connectors and transition words to ensure smoother transitions between your ideas for enhanced coherence.
Conclusion
You've provided a clear preference and conclusion, which helps to round off the discussion effectively.
Discussion
Your essay shows a good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • leverage
  • wisdom
  • pitfalls
  • informed decisions
  • trials and errors
  • impactful
  • memorable
  • foster
  • resilience
  • navigate
  • guidance
  • well-rounded
  • anecdotal evidence
  • theoretical
  • persuasive
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