IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in seprate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #seprate #schools #benefit
Some parents may think that if they put their
children
 in separate
schools
, their kids will understand what are their friends' needs,
while
 some might say mixed
schools
 will benefit their
children
 in respecting others and teamwork. In the following paragraphs,
both
 of these views will be discussed before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, it is comprehensible that in separate
schools
,
both
boys
 and
girls
 are willing to make new friends, as they are the same gender and they can understand not only what their friend thinks and wants.
Moreover
, they spend their leisure time on almost the same activities,
For instance
,
boys
 normally play soccer or basketball at lunch break or when they finish all of their classes,
while
girls
 spend their time talking about a variety of topics.
On the other hand
, when
both
 genders enrol on mixed
schools
, they will notice to respect and be kind to other genders more than the
children
 in separate
schools
. In simple terms, they know how to pitch in and lend a hand to others when it comes to problems or even a fight. The
boys
 and
girls
 in mixed
schools
 will
also
 learn how to communicate and work as a team with other genders properly which enhances their socialisation skills. they will get experience
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 these skills and adapt them when they grow up. In conclusion, it can be seen that
both
 separate
schools
 and mixed
schools
 have a pivotal impact on either
boys
 or
girls
 in
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
how they will behave when they meet new friends and when they need to achieve given tasks as a team. The parents can decide which types of school they want their
children
 to experience and are used to before they grow up in society.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Content Development
Aim to develop your ideas more evenly. The discussion on separate schools could be further elaborated to match the depth of discussion on mixed schools.
Specific Examples
Consider adding more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-life instances or studies could make your points more convincing.
Language Usage
Work on sentence variety and complexity to make your writing more engaging. This can also demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
Balance and Structure
Your essay provides a balanced view on the subject, effectively discussing both sides of the argument before presenting a clear conclusion.
Use of Connectors
You successfully use connectors to link ideas within and between paragraphs, which aids the overall coherence and flow of your essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and adequately sum up the essay's main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: