Some people think that governments should give financial support to artists, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is generally accepted that those who are working as an artist, musicians, and poets should get financial
support
from the government, while
some people
think that is
not necessary. This
essay will demonstrate both side's benefits and drawbacks throughout the following paragraphs. I wholeheartedly agree that the government should support
these people
with the material cost.
On the one hand, the entertainment sections provided by this
group of community
have become one of the essential parts of human lives. In the modern period, Fix the agreement mistake
communities
people
tend to care and concern more about relaxing. Many of them should listen to music while
doing work or reading a book when they have free time because they believe that can help them reduce their stress by consuming these things. For instance
, on the way home, sitting in the Friday traffic in Bangkok for 2 hours, rather than just sit and wait, people
decide to turn on their music in high volume to lead their boring minds out from stuck in the 4 squares truck out, and let their mind chill out from singing and listening to their favourite songs. This
situation can help the workers prevent their stress from work, thus
the authority should help them provide more convenience to both the maker and the consumer by providing the expenditure to them on buying the instruments.
On the other hand
, the reason why some groups said this
is a waste, is because they think that there are more significant sections of the nation that really need financial support
such
as medical and the educational institution. Furthermore
, these factors seem to be more necessary to all the residents than the entertaining parts.
In conclusion, the header of the country should not ignore the entertaining parts, due to
the singer and musician can make the workers release their minds from all the problems of the company in the day. As a suggestion, Change preposition
because
people
should support
the art piece because it sometimes builds motivation.Submitted by sasinipapj on
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Structure
Try to ensure a clear structure throughout your essay, using paragraphs effectively to separate ideas. This will enhance the logical flow of your argument.
Clarity
Introduce a clearer topic sentence in each paragraph to guide the reader through your main points.
Relevance
Make sure to directly address the task in the introduction and restate your position in the conclusion for a cohesive argument.
Language Variety
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language skills.
Balance
You have successfully discussed both views as the prompt requested, maintaining a balanced and thorough examination throughout the essay.
Examples
Your real-life examples are effective in illustrating your points and making the argument more relatable.
Critical Engagement
You've shown an ability to engage with the topic critically, demonstrating understanding and insight.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.