In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In many parts of the
world
Use synonyms
, students still live with their parents
while
Linking Words
they go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university,
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
the rest of the
world
Use synonyms
students move to live in another city when they attend university. In my opinion, I support the idea that
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
should stay away from home during
universiy
Correct your spelling
university
, and in
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
that. First of all, their parents may support them by paying their
cost-living
Correct your spelling
cost of living
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
student
Use synonyms
can cut cost their rental costs,
tuitor
Correct your spelling
tuition
tutor
fees, or electricity and water bills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they may earn more money for their future
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learners can receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
care from their
parients
Correct your spelling
parents
when they get sick. Their family may take them to the hospital if they become ill,
espeacially
Correct your spelling
especially
in emergency situations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, living away from home will help them become mature,
avoid
Correct word choice
and avoid
show examples
relying on families. They must learn how to control and arrange their life by themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can earn more living experience,
such
Linking Words
as time management skills, or money management skills, and they become more
indenpendent
Correct your spelling
independent
in life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, students can develop their social relationships, and explore cultures around the
world
Use synonyms
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
going abroad. When
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cultural festivals, they try local cuisines
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and learn about the history and heritage of the new location or join
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
clubs, they can make
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
easier
Replace the word
easily
show examples
and enhance their knowledge about the
world
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are many benefits of
stay
Change the verb form
staying
show examples
away from home during
Use synonyms
student's
Correct article usage
a student's
show examples
life which
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
them become more mature and more
succeed
Replace the word
successful
show examples
in the future.
Submitted by phuongdungnurse on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You've developed a clear structure that guides your reader through your argument effectively. However, ensure your points are distinct and each paragraph focuses on a separate main idea to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
To further enhance your essay, consider providing more precise examples that directly support your arguments. Examples strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of minor spelling and grammar errors, as they can distract the reader. Regularly practicing your writing and reviewing grammar rules can help minimize these errors.
task achievement
Ensure consistency in tense usage throughout your essay to avoid confusion and maintain clarity. For example, if you are discussing current practices or beliefs, use the present tense consistently.
task achievement
You have effectively chosen a side and argued your point of view throughout the essay, which meets the task's requirement.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your argument, providing a good frame for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You effectively use transitions to link ideas and paragraphs, which helps your essay flow smoothly and keeps the reader engaged.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: