Because travel cost getting cheaper more countries trying to attract more tourists. Do the advantages outweigh to the disadvantages?
Apart from that, customs and historic background can be introduced to others by attracting visitors. There are many historical buildings or festivals which should be displayed to others
,
because Remove the comma
apply
it
can represent how a country Correct pronoun usage
they
is enrich
. To clarify, when tourists visit a historical site, they will notice how much local people like it and how Change the verb form
is enriched
preserve
it carefully, so visitors will comprehend a nation has a strong background. Add the particle
to preserve
For instance
, there are many cities in Iran which are historic and have manifold monuments which have been built more Linking Words
that
ten centuries, many foreign tourists visit them and take many photos to show them to their friends and families.
Correct word choice
than
To conclude
, Linking Words
reduction
travel Replace the word
reducing
cost
not only has Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
not
demerits, but Correct your spelling
no
also
Linking Words
it
brings merits Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as creating more Linking Words
job
for youthFix the agreement mistake
jobs
,
and illustrating Remove the comma
apply
history
background to others.Replace the word
historical
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and concludes with a strong statement reflecting your viewpoint. However, for a stronger introduction, briefly introduce both sides of the argument before stating your thesis.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, work on creating smoother transitions between your ideas. Use phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition to,' or 'Consequently' to link your sentences and paragraphs more fluidly.
Task Achievement & Examples
Develop your arguments further with more detailed examples. While you provide relevant examples, offering deeper insights or statistics could strengthen your argument and make your essay more compelling.
Task Response
You provided a clear response to the prompt, maintaining a consistent stance that the advantages of reduced travel costs outweigh the disadvantages.
Language Use
You demonstrate good use of vocabulary to describe historical significance and the impact of tourism on cultural preservation.
Essay Structure
The structure of your essay, including the use of an introduction and conclusion, is effective in presenting and summarizing your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite