Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often believed that
people
should spend their leisure time advancing their mental abilities through reading and puzzles. However
, some people
are sceptical about this
view, putting more importance on rest
. I support the latter view, for taking a rest
leads to the improvement of mental health regardless of some psychological activities
stimulating their mind for new attempts.
On the one hand, it is beneficial to people
with mental activities
since they are more motivated to make a positive contribution to society. In other words
, the activities
of reading and solving quizzes are often inspirational, encouraging people
to absorb new ideas as well as
think critically. For instance
, many admired scientists such
as Einstein are known to be good readers , who gathered a significant amount of data from books to conduct experiments until they successfully created effective medicines. This
promotes a greater sense of accomplishment than spending time in a passive way by watching movies and listening to music.
On the other hand
, taking a rest
is regarded as more essential with a declining level of health of individuals in modern society. Indeed, more people
suffer from psychological problems including depression and anxiety, making it more difficult for them to control their emotions due to
various factors from their growing dependence on technology to an overload of work. For instance
, one out of 5 workers in Japan is said not to be mentally stable, some of whom even suffer from insomnia, causing dizziness and headaches. Consequently
, taking sufficient rest
is crucial for them to be released from daily stress and gain the power to manage their feelings and behaviours.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that people
should spend more time resting than having some mental activities
because of the increasing number of people
who feel stressed and have unstable psychological and physical conditions. Nevertheless
, reading and puzzling strengthen their mental abilities, promoting new ideas and discoveries.Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay addresses both views and provides a relative conclusion, ensure that each paragraph’s main idea is clearly stated at the start to help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The use of phrases like 'for instance' and 'in other words' shows coherent argumentation, but aim to further develop the connections between your points to make the essay flow even more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task, but consider elaborating on the counterargument to make your own stance even clearer and stronger.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but pay attention to varying sentence structures and avoiding repetition (e.g., rephrasing 'mental activities' to maintain engagement).
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, clearly framing the discussion and argument.
task achievement
Good use of examples, like the mention of Einstein and the situation in Japan, effectively supports your points and makes the essay engaging.
coherence cohesion
You make logical points and provide a balanced view of both sides, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay fully addresses the task and is well-organized, showing a good level of writing proficiency.