Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is often believed that
people
should spend their leisure time advancing their mental abilities through reading and puzzles. Use synonyms
However
, some Linking Words
people
are sceptical about Use synonyms
this
view, putting more importance on Linking Words
rest
. I support the latter view, for taking a Use synonyms
rest
leads to the improvement of mental health regardless of some psychological Use synonyms
activities
stimulating their mind for new attempts.
On the one hand, it is beneficial to Use synonyms
people
with mental Use synonyms
activities
since they are more motivated to make a positive contribution to society. Use synonyms
In other words
, the Linking Words
activities
of reading and solving quizzes are often inspirational, encouraging Use synonyms
people
to absorb new ideas Use synonyms
as well as
think critically. Linking Words
For instance
, many admired scientists Linking Words
such
as Einstein are known to be good readers , who gathered a significant amount of data from books to conduct experiments until they successfully created effective medicines. Linking Words
This
promotes a greater sense of accomplishment than spending time in a passive way by watching movies and listening to music.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, taking a Linking Words
rest
is regarded as more essential with a declining level of health of individuals in modern society. Indeed, more Use synonyms
people
suffer from psychological problems including depression and anxiety, making it more difficult for them to control their emotions Use synonyms
due to
various factors from their growing dependence on technology to an overload of work. Linking Words
For instance
, one out of 5 workers in Japan is said not to be mentally stable, some of whom even suffer from insomnia, causing dizziness and headaches. Linking Words
Consequently
, taking sufficient Linking Words
rest
is crucial for them to be released from daily stress and gain the power to manage their feelings and behaviours.
In conclusion, I somewhat agree that Use synonyms
people
should spend more time resting than having some mental Use synonyms
activities
because of the increasing number of Use synonyms
people
who feel stressed and have unstable psychological and physical conditions. Use synonyms
Nevertheless
, reading and puzzling strengthen their mental abilities, promoting new ideas and discoveries.Linking Words
Submitted by mizuho on
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coherence cohesion
While your essay addresses both views and provides a relative conclusion, ensure that each paragraph’s main idea is clearly stated at the start to help guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
The use of phrases like 'for instance' and 'in other words' shows coherent argumentation, but aim to further develop the connections between your points to make the essay flow even more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay presents a comprehensive response to the task, but consider elaborating on the counterargument to make your own stance even clearer and stronger.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but pay attention to varying sentence structures and avoiding repetition (e.g., rephrasing 'mental activities' to maintain engagement).
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present, clearly framing the discussion and argument.
task achievement
Good use of examples, like the mention of Einstein and the situation in Japan, effectively supports your points and makes the essay engaging.
coherence cohesion
You make logical points and provide a balanced view of both sides, which demonstrates critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay fully addresses the task and is well-organized, showing a good level of writing proficiency.