in some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #shootings #people #guns #home

Nowadays the security in the world is not enough good and some countries allow

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

people

have

Fix the infinitive

to have

show examples

guns

if they have

Remove the article

apply

show examples

special permission and

this

show

Change the verb form

shows

show examples

what

gun

Fix the agreement mistake

guns

show examples

can they

use

. So, in

this

case is very easy to get

guns

. In other countries where is prohibited from carrying weapons the way to get

gun

Add an article

a gun

show examples

is different.

For

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

the shootings are increasing and it is dangerous for us.

First,

one country that

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

guns

a citizens is the United States and in my

opinion

Add a comma

opinion,

show examples

they have had bad experiences.

For example

, I watched a lot of news about shootings in schools, malls, streets and other important places where a crazy person

shooting to

Wrong verb form

shoots

show examples

people

without any reason and

kill

Correct subject-verb agreement

kills

show examples

them. So, it is difficult

control

Add the particle

to control

show examples

this situations

Change the determiner

this situation

these situations

show examples

when

people

have

guns

Second,

the reason for allowing

guns

is to defend against robberies and stay home safe but, the bad

people

using

Wrong verb form

use

show examples

weapons

for

Change preposition

show examples

steal, threaten,

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

commit crimes and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

have control over some places.

Therefore

, the

use

guns

is for other things and not for

defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

. To summarize, I disagree that citizens have

guns

because we can't control them.

In addition

, the

use

the weapons helps

people

feel stronger

that

Correct word choice

than

show examples

others and hurts them. In conclusion, for

Add a comma

me,

show examples

only professionals

such

as police and military personnel can

use

guns

Submitted by natalyrau13 on Wed Apr 10 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples

Expand on your examples with more depth and detail to reinforce your argument.

Sentence Structure

Consider varying your sentence structures to add complexity and flow to your essay.

Introduction

Include a clearer and more specific introduction to immediately address the essay question.

Linking Phrases

Work on a more diverse range of linking phrases to improve the flow and coherence between your ideas.

Balance of Argument

Try to present both sides of the argument before clearly stating your position.

Position Clarity

You have a clear position throughout the essay.

Relevance of Examples

Relevant examples mentioned to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

225 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.5

4.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

gun ownership
shootings
increase
home
agree
disagree
impact
widespread
access
firearms
psychological
potential
statistics
examples
frequent
responsible
regulations
misuse
inequality
mental health
crime rates

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Describe a writer you would like to meet. You should say: who the writer is what you know about this writer already what you would like to find out about him/her and explain why you would like to meet this writer.
To describe a a writter, he is a monk and a leader of 7 million Tibetan’s inside and outside of Tibet. He is non other than His Holliness the Dalai Lama. I am familiar with his writings on Buddhist psychology , where it reminds about the compassion, how it helps one's own mind to keep calam and non reactive towards harmful actions or faulty language spoken to oneself. It was stated in one his writting that the compassionate mind helped him to survive his spirit. The eagerness came from that statement in one of his books that I want to meet him in personel to ask him how does that helped him to stay spirited. It was in his biography that he did have had tough time in late 1950s where he lost his country’s Independence and had to flee his own country.
4.5
band
Some companies blocks their employees from using social media and web sites such as facebook. Do you think managers should trust employees to use time wisely, or do you think it is smart of companies to blocks access to some sites? Provide reasons and examples to support your opinion.
While there is widely spread view of some companies to restricted workers from using social media and web site even blocking access to some sites, meanwhile, others believe the managers should trust employees on using their time wisely on surfing the internet. I believe, by giving the freedom of accessing internet in work place is the best way to handle the needs of peoples on browsing internet.
7
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
There are various severe environmental issues that require to be tackled properly. While some believe that the primary environmental problem at this time is the extinction of certain types of species, others argue that there are more imperative problems other than that, and I agree with the latter point.
4
band
Some people think that it is a good thing that senior managers have higher salaries than others workers of a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In this contemporary epoch, a number of people reckon that it is a good thing for experienced employees like managers to have a high amount of salaries rather than other workers in a company. In my opinion, I agree with this notion due to many reasons like high stress, workloads and some qualities such as leadership and maturity.
<4
band
People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?
It is often said that people goes to college and universities for several purposes as for new experiences, Career preparation and so on.Besides this I think there have more courses for attending university or colleges.

in some countries the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Describe a writer you would like to meet. You should say: who the writer is what you know about this writer already what you would like to find out about him/her and explain why you would like to meet this writer.

Some companies blocks their employees from using social media and web sites such as facebook. Do you think managers should trust employees to use time wisely, or do you think it is smart of companies to blocks access to some sites? Provide reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that it is a good thing that senior managers have higher salaries than others workers of a company. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge etc.). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?