these days, a great number of children prefer spending time on computer games instead of sports. Why? It is a positive or negative development?

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There is an ongoing debate regarding whether numerous children spending time on computer games
instead
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of sports leads to positive or negative development. Some people believe that playing digital games is beneficial for kids.
While
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others argue that fewer physical activities may have negative consequences.
Therefore
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, before giving my opinion. I would like to discuss both perspectives. Examining the former opinion, the primary argument supporters would put forward is that digital entertainment has certain benefits if played in moderation .
This
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is because some virtual games improve problem-solving skills, creativity, and reflexes.
In addition
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, proponents
also
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believe that young people can choose it as a future career path. The reason is that for some talented young bodies, online gaming can open up career opportunities
such
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as becoming professional gamers, streamers or game developers.
On the contrary
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, those in favour of the latter option have their own arguments.
To begin
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with, they claim that spending too much time on gaming content can lead to health problems.
This
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is because there has been a growing number of children suffering from short- sightedness and obesity is becoming increasingly common among younger people.
Moreover
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, youngsters who spend less time playing sports may have fewer opportunities to develop social skills, teamwork and communication abilities.
To conclude
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, there are convincing arguments both for and against the topic.
However
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, gaming has some advantages. I personally believe that
this
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trend is negative
overall
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because it harms children’s physical and social development.
Additionally
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, regularly participating in outdoor activities
also
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helps the younger generation reduce stress after studying and build a healthier lifestyle

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly why children choose games, and say clearly if this is positive or negative.
task response
Add one or two clear real-life examples to support your ideas.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some parts are a bit general. Explain them a little more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some full stops should be commas or joined ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point and develop it fully.
task response
You answered the topic and gave your opinion in the end.
task response
You included both sides before your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow with clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allure
  • captivate
  • supervise
  • accessible
  • scarcity
  • safer alternative
  • peer pressure
  • educational tools
  • cognitive skills
  • implications
  • obesity
  • poor posture
  • hand-eye coordination
  • problem-solving abilities
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