IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Describe some of the problems overreliance on cars can cause and suggest a possible solution.

#overreliance #cars
In the modern
world
, humanity's reliance on motorized vehicles has reached levels never seen before in history. With the rise of the developing
world
, these numbers are only going to continue to swell. It is felt that pollution and the draining of
world
 resources are the most serious problems caused by
this
 trend. Carpooling will be argued
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
feasible response to these challenges.
Firstly
, pollution and the reduction of natural resources are major problems caused by human overreliance on cars.
For example
, the
world
's collective car exhaust has now dissolved the ozone and raised temperatures so much that certain island nations like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Kiribati may cease to exist.
In addition
 to
this
, a statistic was recently released stating that there simply is not enough steel in the
world
 to build cars for all of China and India's adults. As these examples show, if humanity's
con- sumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
show examples
 of cars is not curbed, it will have extreme repercussions on both pollution and natural resource levels.
Thus
, something must be done to stop
this
develop- ment
Correct your spelling
development
show examples
. A suggested solution to the above is carpooling. In many Western countries,
for example
, reserved lanes make the practice of carpooling attractive, and
this
 has had substantial effects on the levels of exhaust pumped into the atmosphere every day. Thanks to carpooling, it is estimated that car fumes are almost 10% lower today than 5 years ago in countries like the UK and Canada. As
this
 shows, carpooling could be a plausible solution to humanity's overdependence on motorized vehicles.
Following
this
 look at the challenges and potential solutions to
this
 topic,
it is clear that
 something has to be done in order to reduce the
world
's reliance on motor vehicles. It is
thus
 hoped carpooling lanes
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 introduced in all big cities the
world
 over.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Integrate more specific examples to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Consider the impact of different verb tenses for clarity and accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, offering a good frame for the essay.
task achievement
Overall response completes the task with a clear stance and suggestion for solutions.
task achievement
Good use of examples to support main points, though they could be further detailed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: