Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money
Money
is considered by people
to be one of the most contributing factors towards happiness
. In my opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
people
can be happy even if they have a little money
, there are a variaty
of things lead to Correct your spelling
variety
happiness
such
as being healthy and have
a family. If we want to be happy, we can feel every Wrong verb form
having
aspects
of life.
Change to a singular noun
aspect
Mongolian
say that health is the most important thing in their life and Fix the agreement mistake
Mongolians
healthy
person can earn Correct article usage
a healthy
money
, learn scientifics
Correct your spelling
scientific
as well
as
feel happy. We should study to praise a little thing in Correct word choice
and
my
life being healthy, being alive etc. These simple things make Correct pronoun usage
our
people
to be happy. On the other words
Add a comma
words,
happiness
is to be our insight. A majority of people
seek for
Change preposition
apply
happiness
outside from
Change preposition
of
money
, others, drugs
but Correct word choice
and drugs
i
never heard about these Change the capitalization
I
people
find
true Wrong verb form
finding
happiness
.
Another source of happiness
is loving
and caring family. Correct article usage
a loving
This
gives
us how you are important and precious in your family. When we touch each other Verb problem
shows
take
Verb problem
apply
for example
kiss, hugg
our brain releases Correct word choice
apply
dopamin
that named Correct your spelling
dopamine
Correct article usage
the horman
horman
of Correct your spelling
hormone
happiness
. Dopamin
helps to Correct your spelling
Dopamine
streght
our immune of psychology, make Correct your spelling
strengthen
people
more positive and reduce stress. Many people
beleive
that family is Correct your spelling
believe
more
valuable thing than Add an article
a more
money
. In addition
, if someone give
us the choice to whether Change the verb form
gives
money
or family, every people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
choose
their family without any Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
hesitate
.
Replace the word
hesitation
To conclude
, money
gives some people
happiness
but there are many vital source
of Change to a plural noun
sources
happiness
in the world. Many people
can feel happiness
from being healthy, Correct word choice
and have
have
a good family. That means Wrong verb form
having
happiness
hide
inside Correct subject-verb agreement
hides
human
.Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to avoid repetition and to add complexity, improving the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors, as correcting these will add clarity and professionalism to your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. Real-life examples or more detailed scenarios can make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
You've done a great job of organizing your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, acknowledging that people can find happiness without much money and providing reasons why.
coherence cohesion
You've successfully demonstrated a good understanding of how to structure an argumentative essay, with clear points supporting your thesis.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.