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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present.

The graph below shows the number of library books read by boys and girls at Starmouth School from 2006 to the present.
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The line graph compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of library
books
Use synonyms
 read by male students and female students at Starmouth School between 2009 and 2012. To summarize, both the numbers of
books
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 men and women had risen in 2012 compared to 2009. The
number
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
readers the
boys
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 had was higher than the
girls
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initially
Linking Words
,
however
Linking Words
, the
girls
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 had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 greater
number
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 of
books
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 read than the
boys
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 in 2012.
Use synonyms
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of
books
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 the
boys
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 read had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 increase in the beginning, from over 40
books
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increased
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to 100
books
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 in 2011. But a downturn came after the peak, the
Use synonyms
books
Correct quantifier usage
number of books
show examples
 boy read in 2012 declined and sharply decreased to 80
books
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 in 2012. Different from the
boys
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, the
number
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 of
books
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girls
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 read had a continuous increase from 2009 to 2012. With approximately 20
books
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 in 2009, the
number
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 of
books
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 the
girls
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 read was multiplied by 7, which had 140
books
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 in 2012.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of
books
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 the
girls
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 read was one-third more than the
boys
Use synonyms
 in 2012.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, books, boys, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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