It is said that music is important for bringing people together from different cultures and ages. Do you agree or disagree?

Music
is a miracle .it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
language of the
people
of the world that
human
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humans
show examples
can connect together through
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.I think, exactly melody can create
Add an article
a condition
the condition
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condition
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conditions
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that race , appearance and
color
Change the spelling
colour
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are unimportant jute they want
enjoyable
Correct word choice
apply
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the tone .
Music
is
ancestors
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ancestors'
ancestor's
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heritage
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can use
musical
Replace the word
music
show examples
for different
subject
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subjects
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such
as, it can apply
treatment
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a treatment
the treatment
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of depression ,dancing , you can be
a mentor
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mentor music
a piece of mentor music
show examples
music
and
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
it to men ,it can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
in
different
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the different
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ceremony
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ceremonies
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while
you choose your ton
according to
rite
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the rite
a rite
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, you can learn
instrument
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an instrument
the instrument
show examples
and play it and create wonderful
music
even you can exploit the most growing plant or for a person can sleep better . It has a lot of applications and different styles
such
as classic ,pop , local , rock …
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
they choose
style
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styles
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according to
their manner . Exactly if you choose your tact
for example
pop
music
you can know a group of
people
that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
love pop
music
even if you don’t have similar
nationality
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nationalities
show examples
, languages ,religions or
mindset
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mindsets
show examples
you can connect through
music
. really, it is an amazing feeling that I can't describe .When you go to
concert
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a concert
show examples
every moment you feel The whole crowd
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
one and Everyone sings
together with
the
music
it
create
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creates
show examples
correlation among the
people
. Incredibly
music
is
strong
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the strong
a strong
show examples
bridge of communication between
people
without
non compulsory
Add a hyphen
non-compulsory
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that the cause of
this
cohesion is love to it .so it is the best cause that
people
want gather to gatherer and they have had
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
show examples
time . I recommend ,
everyone
Correct word choice
that everyone
show examples
learn an instrument and find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
style for better communication.
Submitted by mayaghini on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clearer paragraph separations, introducing each new idea in its own paragraph.
task achievement
Work on refining your sentence structure to improve clarity and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Check your spelling and sentence construction to improve the overall quality of your writing. This can aid in conveying your ideas more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
You've selected strong, relevant examples to argue your point regarding music's power to unite people across different cultures.
task achievement
You successfully address the essay prompt, providing a clear stance on the topic and backing up your position with pertinent arguments.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for music and its social advantages shines through, adding a persuasive and engaging element to your essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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