It is said that music is important for bringing people together from different cultures and ages. Do you agree or disagree?

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Music
Use synonyms
is a miracle .it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
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language of the
people
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of the world that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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can connect together through
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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.I think, exactly melody can create
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a condition
the condition
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condition
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conditions
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that race , appearance and
color
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colour
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are unimportant jute they want
enjoyable
Correct word choice
apply
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the tone .
Music
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is
ancestors
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ancestors'
ancestor's
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heritage
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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we can use
musical
Replace the word
music
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for different
subject
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subjects
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such
Linking Words
as, it can apply
treatment
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a treatment
the treatment
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of depression ,dancing , you can be
a mentor
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mentor music
a piece of mentor music
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music
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and
learn
Verb problem
teach
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it to men ,it can
use
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be used
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in
different
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the different
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ceremony
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ceremonies
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while
Linking Words
you choose your ton
according to
Linking Words
rite
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the rite
a rite
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, you can learn
instrument
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an instrument
the instrument
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and play it and create wonderful
music
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even you can exploit the most growing plant or for a person can sleep better . It has a lot of applications and different styles
such
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as classic ,pop , local , rock …
that
Correct word choice
and
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they choose
style
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styles
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according to
Linking Words
their manner . Exactly if you choose your tact
for example
Linking Words
pop
music
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you can know a group of
people
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that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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love pop
music
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even if you don’t have similar
nationality
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nationalities
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, languages ,religions or
mindset
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mindsets
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you can connect through
music
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. really, it is an amazing feeling that I can't describe .When you go to
concert
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a concert
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every moment you feel The whole crowd
became
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become
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one and Everyone sings
together with
Linking Words
the
music
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it
create
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creates
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correlation among the
people
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. Incredibly
music
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is
strong
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the strong
a strong
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bridge of communication between
people
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without
non compulsory
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non-compulsory
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that the cause of
this
Linking Words
cohesion is love to it .so it is the best cause that
people
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want gather to gatherer and they have had
enjoyable
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an enjoyable
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time . I recommend ,
everyone
Correct word choice
that everyone
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learn an instrument and find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
style for better communication.
Submitted by mayaghini on

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coherence cohesion
Be careful with punctuation usage, especially the spacing before and after punctuation marks. This can impact the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure a smoother transition between ideas by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clearer paragraph separations, introducing each new idea in its own paragraph.
task achievement
Work on refining your sentence structure to improve clarity and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Check your spelling and sentence construction to improve the overall quality of your writing. This can aid in conveying your ideas more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
You've selected strong, relevant examples to argue your point regarding music's power to unite people across different cultures.
task achievement
You successfully address the essay prompt, providing a clear stance on the topic and backing up your position with pertinent arguments.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for music and its social advantages shines through, adding a persuasive and engaging element to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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