IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is said that music is important for bringing people together from different cultures and ages. Do you agree or disagree?

#music #people #cultures #ages
Music
 is a miracle .it is
common
Correct article usage
a common
show examples
 language of the
people
 of the world that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 can connect together through
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.I think, exactly melody can create
Add an article
a condition
the condition
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 that race , appearance and
color
Change the spelling
colour
show examples
are unimportant jute they want
enjoyable
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the tone .
Music
 is
ancestors
Change noun form
ancestors'
ancestor's
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 heritage
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
we can use
musical
Replace the word
music
show examples
 for different
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
such
 as, it can apply
treatment
Add an article
a treatment
the treatment
show examples
 of depression ,dancing , you can be
a mentor
Remove the article
mentor music
a piece of mentor music
show examples
music
 and
learn
Verb problem
teach
show examples
 it to men ,it can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 in
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
ceremony
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremonies
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while
 you choose your ton
according to
rite
Add an article
the rite
a rite
show examples
 , you can learn
instrument
Add an article
an instrument
the instrument
show examples
 and play it and create wonderful
music
 even you can exploit the most growing plant or for a person can sleep better . It has a lot of applications and different styles
such
 as classic ,pop , local , rock …
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they choose
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
according to
 their manner . Exactly if you choose your tact
for example
 pop
music
 you can know a group of
people
that they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 love pop
music
 even if you don’t have similar
nationality
Fix the agreement mistake
nationalities
show examples
, languages ,religions or
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
show examples
 you can connect through
music
 . really, it is an amazing feeling that I can't describe .When you go to
concert
Add an article
a concert
show examples
 every moment you feel The whole crowd
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 one and Everyone sings
together with
 the
music
 it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 correlation among the
people
 . Incredibly
music
 is
strong
Add an article
the strong
a strong
show examples
 bridge of communication between
people
 without
non compulsory
Add a hyphen
non-compulsory
show examples
 that the cause of
this
 cohesion is love to it .so it is the best cause that
people
 want gather to gatherer and they have had
enjoyable
Add an article
an enjoyable
show examples
 time . I recommend ,
everyone
Correct word choice
that everyone
show examples
 learn an instrument and find
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 style for better communication.
Submitted by mayaghini on

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coherence cohesion
Be careful with punctuation usage, especially the spacing before and after punctuation marks. This can impact the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, ensure a smoother transition between ideas by using linking words and phrases more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clearer paragraph separations, introducing each new idea in its own paragraph.
task achievement
Work on refining your sentence structure to improve clarity and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Check your spelling and sentence construction to improve the overall quality of your writing. This can aid in conveying your ideas more clearly and effectively.
task achievement
You've selected strong, relevant examples to argue your point regarding music's power to unite people across different cultures.
task achievement
You successfully address the essay prompt, providing a clear stance on the topic and backing up your position with pertinent arguments.
task achievement
Your enthusiasm for music and its social advantages shines through, adding a persuasive and engaging element to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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