The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Nowadays, governments have increased their investment in the art
industry
. Regimes should direct their funds to the public
sector
instead
of wasting money by financing the
arts
industry
. I disagree with
this
argument to a greater
disgree
Correct your spelling
degree
;
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
to a lesser extent,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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agree with it. I believe that government investment in the
arts
sector
can help drive economic success and improve the
overall
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. The
arts
industry
attracts tourists from different parts of the world
consequently
, bringing foreign currency and jobs for the citizens
expanding
Correct word choice
and expanding
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the tax base for the government.
For example
, the United States of America generates about 190 billion from the tourism
sector
.
Also
, music shows and
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
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can improve the mental and physical health
for
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of
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certain
demographs
Correct your spelling
demographics
of society, the elderly
in particular
.
For instance
, some studies show that when young children have access to
arts
and music , it improves their performance in academics.
However
, to a lesser degree, authorities of a country should fund public services
instead
of spending huge amounts
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
music,
arts
and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
because it generally improves the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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of the general public. Diverting investment to basic public services
such
as education, healthcare and electricity will benefit the citizens. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
arts
industry
is a waste of money so they should invest it in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services. I disagree to a larger extent with
this
statement because the
arts
industry
is one of the crucial industries boosting the economy but to a slight extent
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
agree that
this
revenue should be redirected to the public
sector
as it enhances the
overall
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
of the general public.
Submitted by dubeallen10 on

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task response
Ensure a clear stance throughout the essay. While expressing a balanced view, maintain consistency in your argument to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of linking words to enhance coherence. While your essay flows well, more diverse connectives can elevate the cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction for a sharper thesis statement. A concise, strong thesis can guide your essay's direction more effectively.
task response
You have effectively used relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the credibility and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, greatly aids in understanding your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic value
  • Cultural heritage
  • National identity
  • Economic impact
  • Tourism attraction
  • Social cohesion
  • Public services
  • Healthcare
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Robust
  • Catalyst
  • Private sector sponsorship
  • Preserving
  • Boosting
  • Enhancing
  • Fundamental
  • Necessity
  • Balancing
  • Investment
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