The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Nowadays, governments have increased their investment in the art
industry
. Regimes should direct their funds to the public sector
instead
of wasting money by financing the arts
industry
. I disagree with this
argument to a greater disgree
; Correct your spelling
degree
However
to a lesser extent, Add a comma
However,
i
agree with it.
I believe that government investment in the Change the capitalization
I
arts
sector
can help drive economic success and improve the overall
wellbeing
of Correct your spelling
well-being
the
society. The Correct article usage
apply
arts
industry
attracts tourists from different parts of the world consequently
, bringing foreign currency and jobs for the citizens expanding
the tax base for the government. Correct word choice
and expanding
For example
, the United States of America generates about 190 billion from the tourism sector
. Also
, music shows and theaters
can improve the mental and physical health Change the spelling
theatres
for
certain Change preposition
of
demographs
of society, the elderly Correct your spelling
demographics
in particular
. For instance
, some studies show that when young children have access to arts
and music , it improves their performance in academics.
However
, to a lesser degree, authorities of a country should fund public services instead
of spending huge amounts in
music, Change preposition
on
arts
and theater
because it generally improves the Change the spelling
theatre
wellbeing
of the general public. Diverting investment to basic public services Correct your spelling
well-being
such
as education, healthcare and electricity will benefit the citizens.
In conclusion, the
government funding Correct article usage
apply
to
the Change preposition
for
arts
industry
is a waste of money so they should invest it in the
public services. I disagree to a larger extent with Correct article usage
apply
this
statement because the arts
industry
is one of the crucial industries boosting the economy but to a slight extent i
agree that Change the capitalization
I
this
revenue should be redirected to the public sector
as it enhances the overall
wellbeing
of the general public.Correct your spelling
well-being
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task response
Ensure a clear stance throughout the essay. While expressing a balanced view, maintain consistency in your argument to avoid confusion.
coherence cohesion
Introduce a wider variety of linking words to enhance coherence. While your essay flows well, more diverse connectives can elevate the cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your introduction for a sharper thesis statement. A concise, strong thesis can guide your essay's direction more effectively.
task response
You have effectively used relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This strengthens the credibility and depth of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, greatly aids in understanding your argument.