IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effect on children . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #media #coverage #celebrities #effect #children
There is a long-term debate surrounding whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
 which mainly
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 on
celebrities
causes
Verb problem
has
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 effect on children or not . The writer of
this
 essay completely disagrees with that notion as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
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 that most of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 famous
people
 tend to provide a positive message to the young . When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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media
 coverage , it must be recognised that
due to
 its appearance , the
celebrities
 will find it easier to provide motivation to the young
geneartion
Correct your spelling
generation
.
That is
 to say , in the past , it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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quitely
Correct your spelling
quite
 hard for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famous individuals to show the good aspects of their life-work experiences
into
Change preposition
to
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 the audiences .
Thus
 , with the development of
socia
Correct your spelling
social
media
 ,
people
 who follow
the
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apply
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celebrities
 can learn more about their idol's life perspective , leading to a
more
Change the word
apply
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healthier lifestyle alongside a good mindset .
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
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 Twitter as a specific example where there is a huge quantity of famous
people
 updating their news on
this
plat form
Correct your spelling
platform
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 which
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
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 meaningful and motivating
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 for the followers . Another compelling reason that
needed
Wrong verb form
needs
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 to be
mention
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 is how
this
 coverage will be a convenient source of relaxation for children . To explain
further
 , the
celebrities
 with
the
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apply
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content they posting on
the
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apply
show examples
social
media
 can create positive emotions for the followers
such
 as their daily life or even a video with laughing factors .
For instance
 , Jenny Huynh whose
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 has got 3 million followers is said to provide much positive energy to the young generation with good content. In conclusion ,
due to
 the benefit of making
people
 relax
as well as
 providing motivation ,
thus
 the belief that the
media
 coverage of
celebrities
 causes negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 must be a misunderstanding
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coherence cohesion
Be mindful of correct punctuation and word spacing to enhance readability and coherence. For instance, use spaces after commas and periods consistently.
task achievement
Recheck spelling to prevent minor errors that could distract from your overall message (e.g., 'socia media' should be 'social media', 'quitely' should be 'quite').
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Though you've used examples effectively, consider integrating a wider range of evidence, including statistics or studies, to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance in the introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like Jenny Huynh's YouTube channel, concretely supports your main points and engages the reader.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a clear logical structure, making it easy for readers to follow your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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