IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#money #time
In
this
 contemporary era, people are exposed
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 options regarding
correlation
Add an article
the correlation
show examples
 between
time
 and
money
. Some believe that they rather earn more
money
 with the consequence of less free
time
 because they do not have to worry about uncertainty in the future. Unfortunately, the opponents argue that leisure
time
 with
loves
Wrong verb form
loved
show examples
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more worth it than
money
.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will delve deeper
about
Change preposition
into
show examples
merit
Correct article usage
the merit
show examples
 and demerits of each stance.  Individuals who support chasing
money
 than vacant
time
 presume that
money
 is a vital instrument to survive in
this
 era. If they do not have
money
,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 they are not privileged to get better and faster facilities
such
 as
health
, transportation, and education.
Additionally
, some supporters might currently become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breadwinner
Fix the agreement mistake
breadwinners
show examples
, forcing them to work harder to put
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
 on the table for themselves and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
This
 kind of group values
money
 over free
time
. Those opinions are completely compelling arguments
againts
Correct your spelling
against
 the opponents.  People pursuing leisure
time
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
money
 argue that spending
time
 with acquaintances
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more valuable than earning
abundant
Add an article
the abundant
an abundant
show examples
 amount of
money
.
For instance
, creating moments with children will be everlasting than having
money
 and it is somehow a period that can be repeated.
Besides
, they argue that working overtime will cost
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and mental illness, leading to
adding
Replace the word
additional
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
spending
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
. It surely may cost astronomically since the
treatement
Correct your spelling
treatment
 requires professional. Those are strong reasons why spending
time
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more worth it. After discussing two stances, my inclination
alligns
Correct your spelling
aligns
align
 with the proponents because we have to prepare for the uncertainty.
However
, it is better to prioritise our
health
 and mental well-being over
money
 by having a day off routine so that we do not get bored with the hustle
bustle
Correct word choice
and bustle
show examples
.
Submitted by websiteonlyforme on

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Introduction
Make sure to introduce your main points in the introduction to give the reader an overview of what to expect.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance clarity and cohesion, it's helpful to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, which will help to achieve a more comprehensive and persuasive response.
General
Remember to proofread your essay to correct small typos or errors, as these can distract from your overall message.
Balanced Discussion
You've provided a well-balanced discussion on both views, effectively acknowledging the merits and demerits of each.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion based on the arguments presented, showing clear task achievement.
Structure
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with clear progression from the introduction, through your main points, to a cohesive conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
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