It is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking
risks
in proffesional
lives and their personal lives can be crucial and it is Correct your spelling
professional
also
can bring some opportunities
and achieve goals for them,however
it can Add a comma
however,
leads
them to Change the verb form
lead
losing
Change the verb form
lose
value
or some new opportunities
. I am partly agree
with Change the verb form
partly agree
this
statement that risks
can bring some benefits for people
,but also
they can faced
Change the verb form
face
be faced
with
some drawbacks.
On the Change preposition
apply
one
hand,risks
in personal live
have the potential benefits like making welfare and Replace the word
life
achieve
goals. Our world Wrong verb form
achieving
remembered
a lot of storiesWrong verb form
remembers
,
when Remove the comma
apply
people
accept the
challenges and take Correct article usage
apply
a
Correct article usage
apply
risk
to make their Fix the agreement mistake
risks
life
more enjoyable and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
more
convenient. Correct quantifier usage
apply
For example
, one
Russian businessman Sergey Mavrody took some opportunity to become one
of the most successful person
in Change to a plural noun
people
Russian
scene and he had the Correct article usage
the Russian
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
to fell
down and Change preposition
of falling
lose
his Wrong verb form
losing
value
,however
,he made his own business one
of the most famous lottery company. However
, this
chance was fortune and he could achieve the status of bankrupt. In addition
,if investor Add a missing verb
are interest
interest
in their company and want to promote that Replace the word
interested
he
certainly will take Correct pronoun usage
they
risks
to do that.
On the one
hand,this
adventure have
the opposite side in professional Change the verb form
has
live
,which leads to Replace the word
life
Correct article usage
a lose
lose
Replace the word
loss
value
Change preposition
of value
especially
in online markets and Add the comma(s)
, especially
make
Verb problem
creates
the
Correct article usage
apply
obstacle
Fix the agreement mistake
obstacles
to
on the road to success in that field. In our Change preposition
apply
contemprorary
Correct your spelling
contemporary
wold
major of Correct your spelling
world
people
make their own business
in Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
digital
Add an article
the digital
a digital
zone
Fix the agreement mistake
zones
as well as
social applications and online shops. These opportunities
also
have the necessary resources such
as start ups
and maintaining the quality and availability of products,which sellers offer. Add a hyphen
start-ups
Hence
,there is chance
to lose their Add an article
a chance
the chance
value
to supply unnecessary goods and they are able to lose their potential in market
. Add an article
the market
Furthermore
, the suppliers can take mortgage
at the bank,but if Add an article
a mortgage
business
Add an article
the business
a business
will
not Verb problem
is
be
profitable they should Verb problem
apply
giving
money to the bank from their own capital. Wrong verb form
give
In addition
, risks
can make people
more gambling and make their things unpredictably
.
In conclusion,the Change the word
unpredictable
risks
can bring benefits in personal lives and play one
of the most vital role
,which can bring some Change to a plural noun
roles
opportunities
,however
,in proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
live
it can Replace the word
life
also
leads
Change the verb form
lead
people
to lose their
control and achieve some problems in their career.Correct pronoun usage
apply
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider structuring your essay more clearly with defined paragraphs for introduction, conclusion, and main body. This helps in enhancing clarity and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to elaborate your introduction and conclusion more. A clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a concise summary of your arguments in the conclusion can greatly improve your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure your main points are clearly stated and directly linked to the question asked. This will improve the completeness of your response and make your ideas more comprehensive.
General
Incorporate a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to add sophistication to your writing. Avoid repetitive language to make your essay more engaging.
General
Watch out for spelling and grammatical errors; they can distract from your message. Proofreading your essay can help minimize these errors.
Task Achievement
Providing specific examples to support your points, such as the story of Sergey Mavrodi, strengthens your argument and makes it more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Engaging with both sides of the argument (advantages and disadvantages of taking risks) demonstrates critical thinking and a deep understanding of the topic.