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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for people to take risks,both in their proffesional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweighs the disadvantages

#people #risks #lives
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Taking
risks
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 in their professional
lives
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 and their personal
lives
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 can be crucial and it is
also
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 can bring some
opportunities
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 and achieve goals for them,
however
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, it can lead them to lose
value
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 or some new
opportunities
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. I partly agree with
this
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 statement that
risks
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 can bring some benefits for
people
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,but
also
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 they can be faced With some drawbacks. On the
one
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 hand,
risks
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 in personal life have potential benefits like making welfare and achieving goals. Our world remembers a lot of stories when
people
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 accept challenges and take
risks
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 to make their
lives
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 more enjoyable and convenient.
For example
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,
one
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 Russian businessman Sergey Mavrody took some
opportunities
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 to become
one
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 of the most successful
people
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 in the Russian scene and he had the risk of falling down and losing his
value
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,
however
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,he made his own business
one
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 of the most famous lottery companies.
However
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,
this
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 chance was fortune and he could achieve the status of bankrupt.
In addition
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,if investor are interested in their company and want to promote that they certainly will take
risks
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 to do that. On the
one
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 hand,
this
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 adventure has the opposite side in professional life,which leads to
Correct article usage
a loss
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loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of
value
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 , especially in online markets and creates obstacles on the road to success in that field. In our contemporary world
major
Correct your spelling
a majority
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 of
people
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 make their own businesses in the digital zones
as well as
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 social applications and online shops. These
opportunities
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also
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 have the necessary resources
such
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 as start-ups and maintaining the quality and availability of products,which sellers offer.
Hence
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,there is a chance to lose their
value
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 to supply unnecessary goods and they are able to lose their potential in the market.
Furthermore
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, the suppliers can take a mortgage at the bank,but if the business is not profitable they should give money to the bank from their own capital.
In addition
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,
risks
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 can make
people
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 more gambling and make their things unpredictable. In conclusion,the
risks
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 can bring benefits in personal
lives
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 and play
one
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 of the most vital
role
Change to a plural noun
roles
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,which can bring some
opportunities
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,
however
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 ,in professional life, it can
also
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 lead
people
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 to lose control and solve some problems in their career.
Submitted by batirka06 on

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coherence cohesion
Attempt to create clearer distinctions between paragraphs by using distinct topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument. This will enhance the readability and the logical progression of your essay.
task achievement
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enrich your essay and convey your ideas more precisely.
task achievement
Verify that examples and arguments provided are directly relevant to the thesis, ensuring a strong link between your claims and the evidence you provide.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-balanced view on the subject, effectively exploring both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
Good use of an example to illustrate your point about risk-taking leading to success.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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