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Band 3

Many people feel the urban encivronments are more unhealthy than they have ever been What do you think are the main causes of the problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem ?

#people #encivronments #measures
It is actually
beleived
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believed
 that
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the urban
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urban
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the urban
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 environment has unhealthy food practices and
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apply
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it
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apply
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is covered with
polution
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pollution
 compared to the rural areas. In recent days most of the people living in the
urbal
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urban
 became health
concious
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conscious
. But there are many
this
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things
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 that
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have
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has
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have
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 to be changed in the urban compared to the rural. Some are listed below. In rural
areas
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areas,
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 people depend on agriculture. So most of the families
live
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who live
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 there eat food produced by them from their land. So obviously they don't have any harmful pesticides in it.
Besides
, there
is
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are
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 no factories in the village,
if
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apply
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so most of them do not produce any harmful gases which affect the environment. But compared to rural, food and other natural products are packed using harmful chemicals. There
is
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are
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 a lot of factories in urban areas because of the electricity and technology.
Due to
this
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this,
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 the level of air
polution
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pollution
 becomes
determental
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detrimental
. Individuals in cities and towns
has
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have
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 the practice of using their
vechicles
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vehicles
 more often.
This
 causes noise pollution. A lot of
polutions
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solutions
pollutions
pollution
 are caused because of these
activties
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activities
. But
on
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from
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 a personal
standpoint
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standpoint,
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 I think producing
the
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apply
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fresh eatables from the land and using ecofriendly
vechicles
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vehicles
 like UV and other eco-friendly practices helps to reduce some of the major problems faced by the people living in the cities and towns.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Spelling & Typos
Be cautious with spelling errors (e.g., 'encivronments', 'urbal', 'vechicles', 'polution') and typos as they might hinder the clarity of your message. While minor inaccuracies don't heavily affect the score, consistent attention to detail will enhance your overall writing quality.
Essay Structure
Try to organize your essay more clearly by introducing distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each of the main points, and the conclusion. This will enhance the logical flow and make your argument more convincing.
Addressing the Question
When providing examples or discussing measures to tackle issues, ensure they directly address the questions asked. For a more effective response, link your points more explicitly to the question's focus.
Sentence Structure & Vocabulary
Using a wider variety of sentence structures and a more sophisticated vocabulary will enrich your writing. Experiment with complex sentences and higher-level vocabulary to better articulate your ideas.
Content Relevance
Your comparison between rural and urban dietary practices and environmental conditions provides a good foundation for discussing the issues at hand.
Critical Thinking
The conclusion effectively suggests practical measures to address urban environmental health issues, which shows your ability to think critically about solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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