IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Some
people
are believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
science
 plays
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
show examples
living
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 of
people
. Nowadays,
science
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
people
 for enhancing the level of
people
’s lives. There are plenty of advantages
pertain
Wrong verb form
pertaining
show examples
 to
science
 namely medical discoveries, improvement of healthcare,
transportation
 and technological
advancements
.
This
 essay argues
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
science
 have
leaded
Correct your spelling
led
show examples
 to
improve
Wrong verb form
improvements in
show examples
people
’s lives.
Firstly
, In the past century, the world has witnessed a huge
advanced
Replace the word
advance
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 medical discovery
for instance
 making
Correct article usage
a verity
show examples
verity
Correct your spelling
variety
show examples
vaccines
Change preposition
of vaccines
show examples
 and remote surgeries.
According to
 news reports that are based on government officials, nearly 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 was saved by injecting vaccines
such
 as infant vaccine and hepatitis vaccine.
Also
, to decrease the number of doctors
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some regions,
people
 have faced plenty of problems,
Therefore
, hopefully
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 advanced
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technology, numerous surgeries
are
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 done by famous
Docters
Correct your spelling
doctors
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using remote surgery.
Also
, advanced equipment contributes to
enhance
Change the verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the quality of healthcare in both rural and urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
For example
, in the past,
considerable
Add an article
a considerable
show examples
 amount of
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 died
due to
 not existing proper medical devices. of course,
science
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 had advancement in other
filed
Correct your spelling
fields
show examples
.
Secondly
,
science
 has
considerable
Change the word
considerably
show examples
provided advancement
Wrong verb form
advanced
show examples
 in the field of
transportation
 and technological
advancements
. In the
last
 century,
transportation
 was a massive problem, especially, for
lang
Correct your spelling
long
show examples
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 but now, by making developed devices
such
 as
bus
Fix the agreement mistake
buses
show examples
,
subway
Fix the agreement mistake
subways
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and airplane
show examples
airplane
Fix the agreement mistake
airplanes
show examples
, transporting is an easy issue and Humans go to any place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 without suffering.
Likewise
, some work was done by humans in the past,
although
, most of
works
Add an article
the works
show examples
 are done by advanced machines and all of
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 pertain to technological
advancements
. In conclusion, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical discoveries,
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healthcare,
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
transportation
 and technological
advancements
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the world needs to access more advancement by
science
.
Science
 has supported the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of all
people
 in these years. I
sure
Add a missing verb
am sure
show examples
 that
science
 will help
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generation more and more.
Submitted by mrhoshangi87 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve cohesion, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases.
Task Achievement
Clarify and develop your main points further. More detailed examples and a deeper analysis will strengthen your argument.
Language Use
Watch out for repetitive language and try to use a wider vocabulary. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Grammar
Ensure grammatical correctness by carefully reviewing your essay for any errors in tense, article use, and sentence structure.
Content Coverage
You effectively covered multiple aspects of how science improves lives, such as in medicine, transportation, and technology.
Structure
You structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good for readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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