IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

It has been suggested that all young adults should be required to undertake a period of unpaid work helping people in the community. Would the drawbacks of such a requirement be greater than the benefits to the community and the individual young adults? Some people suggest to adults that they do unpaid work in their societies. It has many advantage and disadvantages. I will discuss both and I thik drewbacks ourweight merits

#adults #period #work #people #community #requirement #societies #advantage #thik #drewbacks #ourweight #merits
While
 a faction of
people
 holds the notion that all young
people
 must do voluntary
work
 to support the downtrodden
people
 in the society, others argue that it has several
demerit
Change to a plural noun
demerits
show examples
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merit. I completely support the former argument as ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, one of the obvious advantages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voluntary
work
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age is to develop empathy
towords
Correct your spelling
with
 the poor
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
commitment
Correct article usage
a commitment
show examples
toword
Correct your spelling
to
 the environment.
In other words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
yound
Correct your spelling
young
sound
 adults will get life experience by doing unpaid
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society which cannot
obtain
Wrong verb form
be obtained
show examples
 in the classrooms.
For example
,
may
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 universities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
ecourage
Correct your spelling
encourage
encouraged
 their students to participate in voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 to not only develop their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 but
also
 raise their social commitments.
Moreover
, these young ones will understand the value of
money
 by interacting
Change preposition
with finanically
show examples
finanically
Correct your spelling
financially
 poor
people
. Many voluntary
works
 are placed in undeveloped countries in African and Asian continentals. By observing the life of those
people
 the young adults will learn to power of
money
.
Furthermore
, The
yound
Correct your spelling
young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 who
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 doing voluntary
work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas will get a chance to explore different types
cultures
Change preposition
of cultures
show examples
 and geographical areas. In detail, since young
people
 would not have sufficient
money
 to travel abroad, these unpaid
works
 will help
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 travel
foreign
Change preposition
to foreign
show examples
 countries without large expenses.
Besides
, young
people
 can
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
 their skills and get practical experience by doing voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. To illustrate, civil
engeneering
Correct your spelling
engineering
 students in the UK
done
Add a missing verb
have done
show examples
 several road and school projects in India help them to understand the rural construction methods and traditional building designs in India. In conclusion, Voluntary
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 would
helpful
Replace the word
help
show examples
 not only to develop empathy
towords
Correct your spelling
with
 the downtrodden
people
 but
also
 would understand the value of
money
.
Youg
Correct your spelling
Young
show examples
 ones will get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to develop skills and travel abroad
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the other benefit. Ergo I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that all young adults should
done
Change the verb form
do
be done
show examples
 unpaid
work
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their teenage.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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Task Response
Make sure to clearly address both sides of the argument in your essay to enhance your response to the task.
Language
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors to improve the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Language
Use a variety of complex sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range and accuracy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on transitions between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas throughout your essay.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating your position.
Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps in making your essay convincing.
Conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your main ideas and reiterates your stance, effectively rounding off the essay.
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