IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, most people used to travel to their place of work. With increased use of computers, the internet and smartphones, more and more people are starting to work fro home. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #travel #place #work #computers #internet #smartphones #home #development
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As time passed, the way of working has changed among people. Since technology has improved, numerous new developments have come across.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of going to
work
Use synonyms
 offices every day, many people tend to
work
Use synonyms
 from home and do their tasks online.
This
Linking Words
 method has come forward with various pros and cons. On the one hand, since workers decided that working from home is more sufficient, many traffic problems and
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 relating to it have been solved. Since these types of humans have decided that not personally coming to
work
Use synonyms
 is a better idea,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 mortals use cars every day and
therefore
Linking Words
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 air
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
 occurred in
this
Linking Words
 period.
This
Linking Words
 method of working
also
Linking Words
 promotes flexibility. When you start working from home you can take breaks whenever you want and start
work
Use synonyms
 at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 you feel there is more concentration.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, whilst there are many positive perspectives to
this
Linking Words
 action, cons are
also
Linking Words
 following it through. Not showing up to your workplace indicates less human interaction and
therefore
Linking Words
 the buyers and the
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 cannot feel the connection between the seller and the buyer.
This
Linking Words
 reduces interaction and customer service which could lead to less profit. As an example, if someone wants to buy a makeup product, having an
assistance
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assistant
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 in the store can help them much more so that the
costumer
Correct your spelling
customer
show examples
 can get what they want.
Consequently
Linking Words
, working online has its own benefits and negative perspectives just like all other different actions. If colleagues can maintain their
work
Use synonyms
 life from miles away without causing losses,
this
Linking Words
 new development can be immensely helpful and sufficient.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
show examples
 if the colleague can not maintain
this
Linking Words
 position, it is recommended by facts to
work
Use synonyms
 in person.
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Task Response
Ensure your essay maintains a clear and consistent focus on the prompt throughout. Although your coverage is good, some parts could be more directly linked to the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve clarity, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. While you have a good structure, enhancing your cohesive devices could make the logical flow even smoother.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. You've provided some good general explanations, but including more detailed examples can elevate your argument, providing clearer insights into the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
Structure
You've effectively introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that summarises the main ideas, demonstrating good control over the structure of your essay.
Balanced Discussion
You managed to present a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, showing an understanding of the essay's requirements.
Vocabulary Usage
Your essay shows a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, which is commendable and enhances the quality of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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