Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everything matters is likely to result in a society of individual who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Few individuals think that letting youngsters make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
will result in
selfish
Add an article
a selfish
show examples
society.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
others believe that it is imperative to let them make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
own decisions.
This
eassay
Correct your spelling
essay
agrees that kids must not be allowed to make all decisions on their own. .
Day cares
Correct your spelling
Daycares
show examples
, Schools ,
Universities
Correct word choice
and Universities
show examples
encourage the idea of being self-dependent and want them to be autonomous. Preferences related to food, clothes, shoes and so on are very
obivious
Correct your spelling
obvious
oblivious
to the younger generation. Since the young mind is trained to be independent, thinking about their own wishes comes very naturally to them. In one of the
survey
Change to a plural noun
surveys
show examples
conducted in 2022,
Happiness
Correct article usage
the Happiness
show examples
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
of various
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
compared based on various social and economic factors. Sweden was one of the top countries to score
extremeley
Correct your spelling
extremely
well . After
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
show examples
it was
relevaed
Correct your spelling
relieved
released
that the training that they provided to the youngsters to be independent helped them raise excellent leaders. It is important to raise confident and intelligent younger generations.
Submitted by sakshi.s16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay attempts to address the prompt, but it seems incomplete. Consider adding more content to fully discuss both sides of the argument before summarizing your own view more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion to better present your argument and summarize your thoughts.
task achievement
Using specific examples to support your points strengthens your argument. Consider incorporating more detailed examples to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
The essay includes a specific survey example, which helps to support the argument. This is a good technique for making your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child autonomy
  • Critical thinking
  • Self-confidence
  • Immediate gratification
  • Long-term benefits
  • Guidance
  • Informed choices
  • Boundaries
  • Responsibility
  • Individuality
  • Empathetic citizens
  • Consequences
  • Decision-making
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!