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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In the 20th century, contact between many different parts of the world has developed rapidly through air travel and telecommunications. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the modern world connections between various parts of the world have enhanced rapidly through
air
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travel
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 and long-distance communications. One of the benefits is doing tasks and making connections much faster and another positive point is the convenient way to make connections,
on the other hand
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, environmental issues and the high
cost
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 of
travel
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 are negative
points
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 of
this
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 topic, but in my opinion, the benefits outweigh the negative
points
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. With developing technology environmental issues have been bold and governments are concerned about
this
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 topic and transportation facilities are one of these reasons.
Air
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travel
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 is done by
plane
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 uses a huge amount of fuel and it leads to pollution.
In other words
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, by utilizing fossil fuels, planes make carbon dioxide and other harmful components. Another disadvantage of
that is
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 the
cost
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 of travelling.
Air
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travel
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 by
plane
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 is the fastest way to movement and because of that, the
cost
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 of travelling by facilitation is so high that many
people
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 can not afford that.
For instance
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, in Iran, many
people
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 would rather
travel
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 by bus
instead
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 of
plane
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 because the
cost
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 of ticket of
plane
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 is much higher.
On the other hand
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, these kinds of transportation have important positive
points
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. In the past,
people
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 had to be transported by horse or in the best condition by vehicles which led to tiredness. It means,
people
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 now have more comfortable options in comparison with the past.
Also
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, in modern days, individuals encounter hectic lives and they do not have enough time to do all scheduled tasks. These types of travelling prevent waste of time
due to
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 faster speed.
For example
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, in the third decade of Iran,
people
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 who wanted to
travel
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 from Ahvaz to Tehran had to use cars or buses which took long about 14 hours,but now they can be transported by
plane
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 just in an hour.
It is clear that
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 the advantages of these features are stronger than their disadvantages. In conclusion, telecommunication and
air
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travel
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 make transportation much faster and more convenient,
although
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 these features have disadvantages like pollution and the high
cost
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 of travelling, in my opinion, the positive
points
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 outweigh the negative
points
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.

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Example Usage
Continue to provide clear and specific examples to support your points; they significantly strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To further enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases. This helps to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing.
Grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and work on correcting them, as they can slightly hinder the readability of your essay.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion present a clear and direct answer to the question, effectively framing your essay.
Example Usage
You've made good use of examples to support your arguments, like comparing travel options and times from Ahvaz to Tehran.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear logical progression from introduction to conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommunications
  • global economy
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • environmental impact
  • global warming
  • privacy concerns
  • digital divide
  • misinformation
  • rural communities
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