Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.
Continuous learning is vital to all individuals. It is not just applicable to those who are
preapring
to be employed in the future.
In my opinion, Correct your spelling
preparing
Education
Add an article
the Education
system
is very important to be utilized in the aspect of our everyday lives. While
, It is necessary for all the
students to grasp Correct article usage
apply
informations
on Change the wording
information
pieces of information
their day to day
basis as they are preparing for the future, on the Replace the word
a day-to-day
otherhand
, even if you are already employed, we need more Correct your spelling
other hand
information
and education
Correct article usage
an education
system
as
to improve and enhance our learning ability. An example is that if you set your Correct word choice
apply
education
system
to a limit then
you will have less knowledge when it comes to certain things that
is
not applicable Change the verb form
are
in
your chosen career. Change preposition
to
For example
, you
are appointed to Correct word choice
if you
involved
in an activity Add a missing verb
be involved
that is
not familiar to you and you set your mind to limit the information
you need to know, then
you will encounter difficulties in accomplishing a certain task that you are not familiar.
Change preposition
with.
Whereas
, if you are willing to learn continuously and you are eager to adapt lots of information
then
you will confidently present yourself in any kind of situation. It is your advantage as an individual to acquire and gain some information
even if you are already employed. Such
things will make you more confident to face everyday challenges and you will be able to apply it wherever you are. For example
, People who are eager to learn new things Correct subject-verb agreement
have
has
the ability to comprehend well and understand situations more often. They are open to a lot of opportunities and Correct subject-verb agreement
have
is
able to give an Correct subject-verb agreement
are
impressible
outcome when it comes to certain activities.
In conclusion, Replace the word
impressive
Education
Correct article usage
the Education
System
is important and has a significant part of
our lives as it has an important function how Change preposition
in
to improve
our abilities in different situations but it Change preposition
in improving
also
help
us to extend knowledge Change the verb form
helps
for
the next generation. Change preposition
to
Nevertheless
, limited
Correct article usage
a limited
education
system
will also
give limited abilities and limited coping in such
circumstances.Submitted by maricelcapul27 on
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Structuring
Try to ensure a clear distinction between the two sides of the argument before presenting your own. This will make your position stronger and more defined.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the essay’s overall flow.
Example Use
When presenting examples, be sure to explicitly link them back to the main argument being made. This strengthens the effectiveness of your example.
Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure to keep your writing dynamic and engaging. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Conclusion
You clearly presented your opinion and concluded your essay which adds to the clarity of your stance.
Example Use
You've used relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Task Response
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?