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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the education system should only focus on preparing students for employment, while others believe it has other important functions. Discuss both sides and then give your own opinion.

#people #education #system #focus #students #employment #functions
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Continuous learning is vital to all individuals. It is not just applicable to those who are
preapring
Correct your spelling
preparing
 to be employed in the future. In my opinion,
Use synonyms
Education
Add an article
the Education
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system
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 is very important to be utilized in the aspect of our everyday lives.
While
Linking Words
, It is necessary for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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students to grasp
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 on
their day to day
Replace the word
a day-to-day
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 basis as they are preparing for the future, on the
otherhand
Correct your spelling
other hand
, even if you are already employed, we need more
information
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 and
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education
Correct article usage
an education
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system
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as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to improve and enhance our learning ability. An example is that if you set your
education
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system
Use synonyms
 to a limit
then
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 you will have less knowledge when it comes to certain things
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 not applicable
in
Change preposition
to
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 your chosen career.
For example
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,
you
Correct word choice
if you
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 are appointed to
involved
Add a missing verb
be involved
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 in an activity
that is
Linking Words
 not familiar to you and you set your mind to limit the
information
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 you need to know,
then
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 you will encounter difficulties in accomplishing a certain task that you are not familiar
.
Change preposition
with.
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Whereas
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, if you are willing to learn continuously and you are eager to adapt lots of
information
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then
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 you will confidently present yourself in any kind of situation. It is your advantage as an individual to acquire and gain some
information
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 even if you are already employed.
Such
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 things will make you more confident to face everyday challenges and you will be able to apply it wherever you are.
For example
Linking Words
, People who are eager to learn new things
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the ability to comprehend well and understand situations more often. They are open to a lot of opportunities and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 able to give an
impressible
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impressive
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 outcome when it comes to certain activities. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
Education
Correct article usage
the Education
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System
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 is important and has a significant part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our lives as it has an important function how
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
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 our abilities in different situations but it
also
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help
Change the verb form
helps
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 us to extend knowledge
for
Change preposition
to
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 the next generation.
Nevertheless
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,
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
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education
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 will
also
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 give limited abilities and limited coping in
such
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 circumstances.
Submitted by maricelcapul27 on

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Structuring
Try to ensure a clear distinction between the two sides of the argument before presenting your own. This will make your position stronger and more defined.
Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs, enhancing the essay’s overall flow.
Example Use
When presenting examples, be sure to explicitly link them back to the main argument being made. This strengthens the effectiveness of your example.
Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structure to keep your writing dynamic and engaging. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Conclusion
You clearly presented your opinion and concluded your essay which adds to the clarity of your stance.
Example Use
You've used relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps to illustrate your points effectively.
Task Response
Your essay tackles both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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