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Band 7.5

In the past, many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your country? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#people #skills #clothes #repairs #house #countries #change #situation #country
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It is true that general skills like making clothes and repairing things are disappearing in contemporary society contrasting with the past.
This
 essay is going to illustrate why
this
 trend is spreading in the world and how is the situation in my country. Economic prosperity and technological advancement are the most vital two factors that cause the disappearance of
this
 household skillset. In the past, many people didn’t have sufficient disposable income to support them to do anything they needed. They had to learn a range of living skills so that they could save their money. But thanks to the growth of the economy, people have changed their lifestyles because they become more affluent today.
Also
, with the improvement of technology, productivity has increased compared to decades ago, which leads to the price of clothes and some small appliances dropping.
Therefore
, buying clothing or new appliances might be a preferred option for some families.
In addition
 to the above two reasons, there is another important pivotal contributing to
this
 tendency in my country. Domestically, overtime work now is a severe problem for many workers and most of them are not able to ensure proper rest. Sacrificing spare time to waste on these general kinds of stuff would not be a wise decision for them. Giving an example,
according to
 a recent survey conducted by Beijing University, 90% of individuals between the ages of 25 and 60 in Beijing prefer calling a professional door-to-door service over repairing home disturbances on their own. In conclusion, economic expansion, Technological progress, and busy lifestyles are the main reasons behind the phenomenon of home economic skills vanishing throughout the world and
also
 in my country.
Submitted by georgiana0818 on

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Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language skills more effectively.
Argument Development
Consider expanding on each point with more depth and detail to fully develop your arguments.
Coherence
To improve coherence, make your paragraph transitions smoother by using linking words or phrases that clearly connect your ideas and arguments.
Task Response
You have clearly addressed the prompt by discussing why skills are disappearing and how this is true in your country, providing a complete response.
Example Use
You provided relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience, which strengthens your argument.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which aids in coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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