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Writing Samples /
Band 5

There is a public park near where you live. You have heard that the local council wants to sell this park. Write a letter to a local newspaper in you letter. Introduce yourself Describe the importance of the park Say what action you will take if the council continues with its plan

#park #council #newspaper #importance #action #plan
Dear Sir or Madam, The reason why I am addressing you is that I think important for several items of the
park
. My name is Tom. My surname is Smith. I am twenty-one years old. I live public
park
 near
apartment
Correct article usage
an apartment
show examples
 and
also
 there is an issue
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
park
.
Furthermore
, I think extremely important several toys for children
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
park
.
Moreover
, many young people visit to
par
Correct your spelling
park
show examples
 in the evening every day
also
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 solve
this
 problem but some
council
Fix the agreement mistake
councils
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 might sell a lot of toys because I have heard that the local council wants to sell
park
Add an article
the park
show examples
. From one perspective, many
olderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
older
 people say several plans
such
 as
this
park
 should
restore
Wrong verb form
be restored
show examples
 or
fix
Wrong verb form
fixed
show examples
 for kids.
Besides
 that,
council
Correct article usage
the council
show examples
continoues
Correct your spelling
continues
 with its idea. I advise
to
Correct article usage
the to
show examples
 government fix
this
park
 because I think very superb
this
 plan. I am looking forward to your answer in the near future. Yours faithfully, Tom Smith.
Submitted by soglomovsarvar on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your letter is structured appropriately with a clear introduction and closing. However, to enhance coherence, make sure to organize your ideas more logically within paragraphs, dedicating each paragraph to a single, clearly-defined point.
Task Achievement
You've made a good attempt at responding to the task, but for a higher score, ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed more clearly and fully. Provide more detailed explanations about the importance of the park and the specific actions you will take.
Greeting & Closing
Your greeting and closing are well executed, fitting the letter format nicely.
Writing Tone
You've maintained a generally suitable tone throughout your letter, which is appropriate for writing to a newspaper.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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