SOME COMPANIES SPONSOR SPORTS AS A WAY TO ADVERTISE THEMSELVES. SOME PEOPLE THINK IS GOOD, WHILE OTHERS THINK THERE ARE DISADVANTAGES TO THIS. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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The group of
companies
are advertising themselves by sponsoring
sports
.
While
many
people
think is profitable, others believe there are cons
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
. I am going to discuss both points of view and give my own opinion. On the one hand, promoting
products
using
sport’s
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sports
show examples
players
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to extending consumptionism,
wchich
Correct your spelling
which
is
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
to society. Watching
sports
games
are very popular way to spend free time
wordwilde
Correct your spelling
worldwide
, because of it,
adverts
Correct your spelling
advertising
show examples
on
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players'
player's
show examples
players
t-shirts
Capitalize word
T-shirts
show examples
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
for instance
, can
infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
many
people
’s decisions. Fans of
sports
influenced by logos they see would want to buy
products
they do not need and
moreover
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moreover,
show examples
things that will harm their health.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
adverts
of
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for
show examples
energy drinks on
the
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apply
show examples
football
players
for example
, when
people
see that their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
player wears the exact energy drink’s logo, they will want to try it, just
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
sympathy for
this
person. Drinking
this
kind of
beverages
Fix the agreement mistake
beverage
show examples
lead to
heart’s
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heart
show examples
issues and brain damage. In conclusion, advert watchers see, when they want to just relax watching
games
, can cause bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
without their knowledge.
On the other hand
, professional
sports
are very expensive,
players
need their doctor,
pchysioterapist
Correct your spelling
physiotherapist
,
equitment
Correct your spelling
equipment
and places to
preform
Correct your spelling
perform
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
exact kind of game. Advertising
products
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
easy way to get enough
money
for
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
needs, without
Correct article usage
a
show examples
big budget many fans would not be able to watch their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
tournaments.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Olympic
Games
for example
, during
this
event there are need for
equitment
Correct your spelling
equipment
for every
preformed
Correct your spelling
performed
show examples
kind of sport and
Correct article usage
a
show examples
place to accommodate
sports
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
from around
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the
show examples
whole world. Without big
companies
money
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
would be very hard to organise
this
event,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
event which is very important to
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people's
show examples
people
culture and
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
show examples
sports
. In conclusion,
money
from adverts
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
to
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
healthy habits like playing
sports
games
and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
culture. To
sumarise
Correct your spelling
summarise
summarize
,
companies
sponsoring
sports
can influence
people
to buy harmful unnecessary things, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
their
money
promote
Change the verb form
promotes
show examples
playing
sports
and spreading the culture of
sports
tournaments.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
am in the group that
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
Correct article usage
the
show examples
advantages of using
sports
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
Correct article usage
a
show examples
way to promote
theirselfs
Correct your spelling
their selfs
themself
by
companies
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
as long as
sports
players
choose
companies
with
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
products
as their sponsors, advertising
sports
by private businesses
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
profitable for society.
Submitted by a.swietochowska11 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance clarity and coherence by improving transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider refining your essay structure with more distinct paragraph separations and clearer topic sentences.
Task Achievement
Expand upon your examples with more detail to strengthen your arguments.
General
Be mindful of typographical and grammatical errors, as correcting these would greatly improve readability.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, offer a more nuanced discussion of the disadvantages and how they might be mitigated.
Task Achievement
You've tackled both sides of the argument as well as provided your own opinion, meeting the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Using examples, such as the impact of energy drink advertisements, helped illustrate your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, reinforcing your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Sports sponsorship
  • financial support
  • athletes
  • brand visibility
  • awareness
  • commercialization
  • integrity
  • dependencies
  • corporate funds
  • unethical practices
  • strategic partnerships
  • communal relations
  • promote healthy lifestyles
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